Tag: white van men

All Hail The Van Driver’s Carol Service!

Posted on by News Desk

In honour of you, our wonderful, Great British van drivers, slogging their hearts out year-round, up and down the very core of our green and pleasant land… to celebrate you, we decided we’d create your very own Christmas carols. (Because who wants to sing about Wise Men or do impersonations of Mariah Carey… maybe some of you do, but you probably want to save that for when you’re at home) …

So, with no expense spared, here we go (everybody join in) …

Van Driver’s Wonderland

“Van Drivers, are you listening?

To the song that we’re singing?

We’re driving along, singing our song, 

Saving on insurance as we go.

In the van, there’s some tyres

For our goods, we’ve got buyers

The diesel is paid,

The shortcuts we’ve made

Saving on insurance as we go

In the forecourt, we can eat a pasty

With a nice hot brew to wash it down

Hit some traffic and we’ll say no ma’am

There’re no delays when we are in your town

Later on, we’ll perspire

And set the AC higher

To face unafraid

Rush hour in Portslade

Saving on insurance as we go

We wish you some happy driving

We wish you some happy driving 

We wish you some happy driving

We wish you some happy driving 

And a happy new year

Great savings we bring

Our comparison is king

We wish you some happy driving

And a happy new year

… Admit it, you’re going to be singing these ones loud AND proud! Drive safe!

White Van Man Drives Thru a Bus

Posted on by News Desk

In a quiet town, on a quiet road, there was a bus. The passengers sat in silence as it cruised to the next bus stop. Everything was normal, and then…

“CRASH. BANG.WALLOP.”

It was…yes…you guessed it…

A White van man!!

Right into the side of the bus he crashed, with enough force to send many of the passengers to the floor.

Luckily no-one was hurt. A bit shaken? Yes. But no-one was hurt. And they were not surprised either to see a white van man was the culprit.

Did this white van driver have something against this bus? Was it an act of revenge, or maybe anger, or even rage or discontent?

No, no, no and no.

In fact, the white van man was high on his own supply!

Regular readers of the CVI could have probably seen that one coming a mile off. We have reported many times about the war on drugs on our nations roads. Well, it appears our very own white van man is living up to the hype.

This guy had been to McDonalds. No doubt he had the munchies, so to speak…but this was not going to be a “Happy Meal.” Oh no. Because while driving back from the drive thru with a burger in his lap, he went straight into the side of a bus.

CCTV captured the moment. It happened quickly. All of a sudden. But there was no doubt the white van man was at fault.

So when the cops arrived on the scene it wasn’t long before they pulled out their wipes.

“Come here young man, I need to wipe your…”

There was a silence as the young white van driver wondered what was about to happen…

“Wipe my what?”

“Your…Mouth!” said the Police Officer.

It was those trusty Drug Wipes we have been telling you about. They give cops the ability to test van drivers at the side of the road. Right away.

And guess what?

This white van man was found to have cocaine in his system. The real good stuff straight from Bolivia.

No wonder he crashed into the single decker, he was probably seeing a triple decker.

Right now, as we speak, the white van man is awaiting sentence from a court of law, although you can be rest assured that the bus is repaired and back on the road.

Unfortunately, it is drug fuelled white van drivers like this one who are giving all white van men a bad name.

You might be a law abiding white van man who has never puffed on the magic dragon before, but that won’t stop your van insurance prices from becoming higher.

Here at CVI we are for white van men who don’t do drugs or drive while high as a kite. If you don’t do either then you are welcome to fill in our 3 minute form and see if you can save money on van insurance.

White Van Men – DON’T Wear These On Your Feet…

Posted on by News Desk

Here at CVI we speak directly to white van men and give them Cheap Van Insurance, but are we about to give them fashion tips?

Not quite. Although we do have an important warning about what you should never wear on your feet while driving your white van.

You can be cruising down the lane without a care in the world…off to your next job or to make a delivery…when those all too familiar flashy blue lights will be in your rear view mirror.

So you pull over and then watch the “Bobby” as he or she approaches your van.

Then you wind down your window, and wait for the “Boy in Blue” to speak…

But instead of asking for your drivers license or proof of insurance, they ask…

To see your shoes!

This comes on the back of a new Police crackdown where they are stopping drivers and checking their footwear, and if found to be wearing the wrong kind of footwear, then drivers could be slapped with a £5000 fine.

Yes you read that right. And even worse, our insider intelligence suggests that Police are targeting white van men as a main priority.

If Police pull you over and find you wearing Cowboy Boots, Gladiator Sandals, Wellington Boots, or Stiletto Heels…

Then you are going to find yourself in big trouble.

Police are also looking for white van men who wear flip flops, knee and thigh high boots, and of course, workmen boots.

Basically, any kind of footwear that has a thick and heavy tread. Because it leaves you without sufficient control of the pedals.

At the end of the day, you wouldn’t try and play the piano in Cowboy Boots, would you…so why are you trying to drive your white van in them? Our advice is to stop right now. For your own safety and to protect yourself from a Police fine.

And if you refuse to take off your cowboy boots, wellingtons or workmen boots?

Then…

“Back up requested,” says the Police officer in their radio mike.

In no time at all there will be 4 or 5 Police cars screeching to a halt and surrounding your white van, and then, well, I think we all know what will happen then. It will be another “Summer of Rage” incident that we have become all to familiar with here on the CVI Blog.

So white van men of Britain…take 3 minutes to check your shoes, and then take another 3 minutes to compare van insurance here at The Nations Favourite.

The Truth About White Van Men

Posted on by News Desk

After the Dundee fiasco I found myself relegated to the office. A desk jockey, counting paperclips and making endless cups of tea.

I felt like a retired boxer in that office, although I could still smell the leather and hear the roar of the crowd.

As a CNR my natural instinct is to be out there…on the streets…in the action.

Maybe I had one more “prize fight” left in me? Let’s wait and see…

Just then the boss came into my office.

“Our approval rating has gone down 7% in the last 5 weeks among white van men. Research suggests it is your “Cardiff news story” that has led to the drop,” the boss said.

“I was just telling the truth,” I replied.

“Maybe…but white van owners are our bread and butter. I need you to write a piece that puts them in a favourable light. Don’t blow smoke up their rear van doors…just make the white van community look good,” he said.

And with those words the boss walked out of the office.

So here I am right now. Tasked with the assignment of making our nations white van owners look good. Maybe if I do a great job then CVI will get me a new limo and limo driver? I got to work.

The Truth About White Van Men

A common misconception about white van men is they are all dangerous drivers. Nothing could be further from the truth. Actually, during research in 2014 it was discovered they are 50% less likely to be involved in an accident than car drivers.

Another myth about white van drivers is they drive aggressively and get frequent road rage. This is false, or at least, false in the sense they don’t drive any more aggressively than any other road users. There is no evidence to suggest that white van men are anymore prone to road rage than car drivers, motor bike users or cyclists.

One particular false accusation is that white van “men” are all male. Not at all, and just like we have reported about before on our Cheap Van Insurance Blog…it is the white van “women” who are currently taking to the roads in their white Ford transits and LCV’s.

Yet another myth is the belief that white van men get cheaper van insurance than other van owners. Not true. The most important factor is your location. For example, if you own a blue van in Dundee, then you will most likely pay less than a white van owner in London.

The main reason why many white van men pay less for van insurance is because they have made CVI their home.

They fill in the 3 minute form and let us do the hard work. Around 40 quotes later and they find what they are looking for.

“CVI really is the website for white van men,” said white van men all around the country.

Vanarama Unleashes iVan The Terrible?

Posted on by News Desk

“Hi, my name is iVan the chatbot, which of these options can I help you with today?” said the bot at the other end of the webpage.

This is what every visitor to the Vanarama website will see from now on when they want to get help.

So what can iVan help you with? Buying a new van is one of the things you can do at Vanarama, although they also offer van insurance.

“Great. My name is iVan the Chatbot. Can I have your first name, please?” Said iVan as you select the van insurance option.

“Did you have a particular vehicle in mind? I’m pretty sure we’ll have the best prices,” iVan the chatbot goes on to add.

Pretty confident isn’t he? And his smooth talking will probably work on some people…although not on those van owners who have heard of CVI.

Not one to back away from a challenge, or a duel, we are confident CVI is the place where you will find the “best prices.”

Vanarama vs Cheap Van Insurance…

We challenge YOU to put us both to the test…

You can visit Vanarama and then chat with a chatbot and get some monotone responses…

and then

You can visit CVI and fill in our 3 minute form. It’s ridiculously simple and there are no chats bots. Just a no-nonsense style form that is dedicated to getting you results.

Some might describe this battle as like iVan The Terrible vs Alexander The Great.

“Yes they really are great,” many people are already shouting.

“The Nations Favourite!” many will go on to add.

Listen, we are not trying to blow smoke up your rear van door here. This is real. You really can save a packet in the next 3 minutes.

By all means go to Vanarama and see what they are all about with their new chatbot, and then come back to the safe haven of CVI, with nothing automated and nothing futuristic. Just good old fashioned cheap van insurance…the way it should be.

I can’t even imagine your average white van man, so to speak, attempting to have a conversation with a bot.

“Hi, my name is iVan the chatbot, which of these options can I help you with today?” said iVan.

“You what mate?” replied the white van man.

All out anger would likely win the day, and then, right back to CVI…the only place a white van man can get a straight forward quote with no palava.

So Alexander The Great wins this battle, and if you fill out the 3 minute form you will soon find out why we are the greatest…van insurance comparison website.

The Summer of…White Van Women

Posted on by News Desk

Last week our chief news reporter told the truth about white van men. “The summer of scam,” he reported while on the road.

This week a new report landed on our desk here at CVI headquarters, and while our CNR continued to tour the country in the CVI limo and find out the latest news regarding white van men…we decided to push this news story regarding white van women forward.

The report started off with the quote – “Everyone has heard of the white van man, but now it’s the ladies turn.”

What are they basing this on? Well, according to official statistics there was 26,166 women who filled in a van insurance application form last year…compared to 17,198 in 2016.

Right now in 2018 we can only imagine how many women have already got their van insurance online.

Of course, many of them decided to compare van insurance for their white vans right here, at The Nations Favourite.

3 minutes is all any white van woman needs to get around 40 quotes from well known van insurance companies and brokers.

“There is no denying owning a van has many benefits, and it seems female drivers are starting to jump on the bandwagon,” was another quote we found in the report.

Reading on…we discovered that white women van drivers actually pay less than their white van men husbands and brothers…£181 less in fact, with an average quote of £1025 per year for coverage.

Perhaps more women are visiting CVI than men, and that is the main reason why they get cheaper van insurance? It wouldn’t surprise me one bit.

As regular readers are well aware, the white van men are too busy causing mayhem on our nations roads and appearing in court – “white van men unhinged,” it was called.

Meanwhile the white van women were accessing CVI on their computers, laptops, tablets and mobile phones, and then getting cheaper quotes in only 3 minutes.

One of the boom professions right now that requires a white van is dog walking, and statistics show that females are embracing this profession more than males.

Light commercial vans are typically the main weapon of choice for professional female dog walkers, with white being their preferred colour and CVI being their favourite website.

Self employed female cleaners also enjoyed getting cheap van insurance on their white vans…while female care assistants also got great prices.

Let’s just hope these white van women don’t go the way of the white van man, although if there is any unleashings, unchainings or if any white van woman becomes unhinged, then you will be the first to hear about here at The Nations Favourite.

Speaking of which…we have just received a text from our CNR out who is touring the country in the CVI limo.

“You are not going to believe what just happened in Cardiff…” he wrote.

Stay tuned for the full story.

Summer of Scam – White Van Men Unhinged

Posted on by News Desk

Unchained, unleashed and….unhinged? That is the word on the street of where white van drivers are right now.

We wanted it to be different. Only a few weeks ago everyone here at CVI HQ, well, we all joined hands and sang Mariah Carey songs in honour of White van men.

Our reporter was given a stern telling off with strict orders to stop the outrageous headlines when it came to our nations white van owners.

However…reports of white van mayhem kept on piling up on the desk. The phone rang around the clock and every way we turned there seemed to be more stories about the white van man becoming unhinged…yet again.

“We can’t hide the truth forever,” we said. So the only option was to give the truth torch back to our chief news reporter who was in Somerset covering a story about lampposts.

Over to the reporter…

Hi, It’s the chief news reporter from CVI.

After the humiliation of being made to sing Mariah Carey songs I had been relegated to reporting on vanilla stories in the van world – I was on my way back to HQ after a visit to Somerset when a text came through to my Motorola from HQ.

”White van drivers unhinged…tell the truth…” said the text.

Those are the only words I needed to hear.

“Turn the CVI limo around,” I said to the driver, “and head towards the action…”

The first stop on our tour was to the city of Edinburgh, North of the Border. It was there I came across a story of how a white van man had been caught speeding twice, but then, doctored photos of his van and sent hoax images to Edinburgh police.

“The summer of scam,” was the first words I wrote in my notepad.

This particular white van owner eventually got caught, and is now serving 6 months behind bars for his trouble.

“Next stop…Sunderland,” I said to the CVI limo driver, and in a few hours we arrived South of the Border to the North East English city.

It was there I learned of an incident that happened recently, involving a…yes, you guessed it…white van man!

This guy from Sunderland “borrowed” his mates white Ford transit van while high on Puff, the magic dragon, and then played “hogs of the road” for 60 miles, leaving behind him a trail of destruction.

Police eventually caught up with him, and he was recently sentenced to 300 hours of unpaid work, 15 rehabilitation days and £85 quid in court costs.

I was going to interview some witnesses in Sunderland that witnessed the rampage but then I got another text from HQ…”go to Bedfordshire,” were the words on my Motorola.

So the CVI limo was back on the road yet again and once in Bedfordshire we learned of yet more white van mayhem.

This time a white van ploughed in the wall of cottage in a quiet village, although the white van man himself was far from innocent.

“Coked up!” is the words I wrote in my notepad after interviewing witnesses to the event.

The driver was high on on his own supply as he drove the Citroen Berlingo directly through a hedge and into the wall of a cottage.

Police caught the driver, and he has since been sentenced to 14 months in the slammer.

I’ve just got another text through from HQ. It looks as though this is going to be a busy summer.

“Drive me to Cardiff,” I’ve just said to the CVI limo driver.

Stay tuned for more updates…

White Van Men On Tour – Europe Edition

Posted on by News Desk

Not content with causing destruction on the roads of the UK, the white van man is now on tour, across the channel and in Europe.

To countries such as France, Germany, Poland, and Russia they go, sometimes to make deliveries and sometimes just to go for a scenic drive, maybe do a bit of business on the side. Business and pleasure.

I’ve reported before of course on how all British van drivers need to get a special sticker before entering the country of France.

Just stick it on your windscreen and you won’t be bothered by the French police, but ignore their laws and you will soon see those flashing lights in the rear view mirror.

Would that set off the average white van man on tour? Seeing the red, white and blue of the French police waving for them to “pull over, monsieur, je m’apelle.”

It could very well be a return to the scenes from the summer of rage and winter of unrest, where white van men, so to speak, were unchained and unleashed…only this time it would be on the roads of France.

Not only that, but let’s not forget that our French cousins drive on the other side of the road. Confusion could very much win the day when your average white van pulls out from Calais. Could that confusion then turn to all out rage? It very well could do.

The main thing all British van drivers should check is that they are fully covered by their insurance company to drive abroad before setting off from home.

You might have to pay extra to make sure your overseas van insurance cover is all in order, and if your renewal is coming up then perhaps it is time to switch to a cheaper deal, one that includes overseas insurance for your van.

The comparison website of choice for the average white van owner is of course The Nations Favourite. The place where comparing companies and getting quotes is as easy as making a flask of tea.

You can even access Cheap Van Insurance from any European country, so for any white van driver that is currently on tour and needs to sort out their insurance, you know where to go.

It’s much better to come here rather than being taken to a European prison, which is what could happen if you don’t have the correct insurance.

The Russian Police, for example, are always on the lookout for international commercial drivers AKA British white van men, and if you are not prepared to slip them a few rubles then you might just find yourself down the local gulag.

Sure, the white van man would resist at first, he might even get very hot under the collar in the freezing temperatures of Siberia, but then, in no time at all he would be overpowered, much like a polar bear being taken down by a pack of wolves.

The Siberian wilderness is a lonely place to be for white ford transit drivers, every day doing hard labour and eating soup of the day for lunch. No ham sandwiches on the menu.

It would be a time for the white van man to learn their lesson if you ask me. To turn over a new leaf and keep their temper in check. Until they are released, back to the UK…

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