Tag: white van man

They Stopped Him For Sliding Ladders, And Then…

Posted on by News Desk

It was a rainy and dreary morning in the city of Hull. In the distance you could just make out the familiar outline of the Humber Bridge.

The road was slick from the rain and Humberside Police were scanning the area like hawks, looking for their prey.

And then…they found their prey, and it was a, yes you have guessed it…

White Van Man!

Was this white van man going on tour or about to fly into a rage or shouting “chase me chase me,” from the window?

In a word…NO.

Actually, this was a builder on his way to a job. No doubt to build a wall or do some kind of brick work. There was probably even some cement and sand in the back, and maybe even a couple of bottles of tap water to mix it together.

Nothing out of the ordinary you would think, until you looked up and saw the sliding ladders.

Slipping and sliding all over the place they were. Sliding here and sliding there…they really were sliding everywhere.

However, they didn’t fall off the van. It was like a delicate balance. Just enough one way and then turn the steering wheel the other way. Like balancing a tennis ball on your head.

But the Humberside Police were having none of this.

“Should we pull him off the road,” said the first Police Officer.

“Yeah…pull him off,” said the second Police Officer.

Then, when everybody had pulled to the side of the road, the First Police Officer approached the van with caution while the Second Officer covered his back.

“You ever hear of a roof rack, sir?”

After a brief exchange it turned out the white van man was harmless and wasn’t about to go on a rampage worthy of VDGW.

However, while he was being a given a stern talking to at the side of the road and was having his particulars taken down…the second police officer scanned his van with the ANPR scanner.

“Bleep Bleep”

And guess what? Yes you guessed it…

No Van Insurance!

“Looks like somebody hasn’t visited Cheap Van Insurance?” Said the second police officer.

“You naughty boy,” said the first police officer.

It is a bit naughty, isn’t it? Not spending 3 minutes of your time to compare van insurance quotes from around 40 companies and brokers.

3 Minutes and you are sorted, and then you WON’T have 2 police officers bending you over your van bonnet and handcuffing you.

Oh yeah. And make sure all of you white van men (and women) secure your ladders with a roof rack and some rope or something. It is so simple, and so easy…just like our 3 minute form.

Police Chase White Van Man in Norwich

Posted on by News Desk

“Chase me, chase me, chase,” taunted the white van man. Pretty soon the cops were hot on his tail.

This happened in Norwich. The place well known for endless farm land and plenty of service stations to keep van drivers stocked up when they pass through.

Plenty of van owners in Norwich agree that CVI is The nations favourite and they visit our 3 minute form on a yearly basis to renew their van insurance and just have a good time in general.

“Back of the net!” they say, when confronted with around 40 cheap quotes from our trusted partners.

“CVI does it again,” they say, and in minutes their van insurance is SORTED for another year.

Back to the story and this particular white van man in Norwich was driving a vauxhall Astra van. Reports are unconfirmed if he is a CVI customer although chances are he is.

“The Nations favourite,” he may have shouted out the window when chased by the cops

“I’m doing this for CVI,” he could have added.

To all of our faithful white van men (and women) out there. Please don’t do that. You may be ecstatic at getting the cheapest van insurance price…EVER…but that doesn’t mean you should challenge the cops to a duel.

And if you are high on your own supply? Then you are not welcome at CVI. Sorry.

We pass on grass, and we encourage you to do the same.

It isn’t clear if the Norwich white van man was mashed up on puff the magic dragon. The Police couldn’t test his blood, although this will soon change with a new era of police vans.

The pursuit lasted for a good 30 minutes. Around and about the roads of Norwich they went. Weaving from side to side and avoiding the sheep on country roads.

And then into Norwich town centre, where terrified onlookers saw the white van speeding past…with the flashing blue lights of the boys in blue close behind.

It all came to a halt in the suburbs of Norwich, and they handcuffed the white van man for his trouble.

“Your nicked!”

“fair cop, guv.”

The Norwich van driver has since been charged with dangerous driving and he pleaded guilty.

He awaits a sentence, although it is expected he will spend time in the nick.

Hopefully he learns his lesson, and he can read our van insurance blog to pass the time. It might even be the best few months he has ever spent.

Wigan White Van Man Caught Red Handed!

Posted on by News Desk

As every white van man gets into his trusty white van in the morning there are certain things he has to check for…

Ham sandwiches? Check.

Flask of tea? Check.

Blanket? Check.

Cheap Van Insurance? Check.

Mobile Phone? er…Check.

However, it is the humble mobile phone which can give white van men the most trouble. As innocent as it looks, that phone can land you a hefty fine from the law, and it may even land you in prison.

Just like one Wigan white van man who took a quick call from a client while driving down a quiet side street.

“Alright mate,” the Wigan white van man answered, followed by…”Ahhhhhh, No!”

Those flashing blue lights of the rozzers were quickly in his rear view mirror, and in no time at all they had pulled him off the road and were taking down his particulars.

He was caught red handed using a mobile phone while at the wheel, and usually when this happens then BY LAW you will be fined at least £200 pounds and given 6 points on your licence.

This Wigan white van man wasn’t going to give in though, and he fought the law, but did the law win? Yes, eventually

A year later the Wigan white van man had his day in court and he lost. The judge slammed down the hammer and ordered him to pay a fine £1654 pounds, as well as pay the £200 pound fine for the mobile phone offence and the 6 points on his licence

Our advice to all white van men in this nation of ours, no matter if you are in Wigan or Wales…DON’T TOUCH IT!

If you are driving your white van then under no circumstances should your hands move out of view from the steering wheel at 10 and 2.

If you are reaching down below to touch your mobile phone then don’t come complaining to us if the Police have you banged to rights.

Even if you was just looking on your phone to check the CVI blog on a Tuesday to see if the latest blog post had arrived. What you should do is pull over the van on a country lane well out of sight, and then turn off your engine and take the keys out of the ignition.

Then, and only then, are you safe to read the CVI blog and compare Cheap Van Insurance from around 40 companies and brokers at our famous 3 minute form.

White Van Man VS Bailiff – “OH NO!”

Posted on by News Desk

It is the confrontation you have all been waiting for. The moment a white van man meets a bailiff. Everybody looked on in anticipation.

“The summer of rage is upon us,” said one onlooker as the burly bailiff looked mean and keen and ready for a ruck.

“OH NO!” said another onlooker as they spotted the white van. “This is going to get ugly,” they went on to add.

“Is this going to be on Can’t Pay, Take It Away?” asked another onlooker

“No. I think it will be on that new programme…Van Drivers Gone Wild,” replied another bystander.

Everybody got ready for fists flying and necks cracking. Rage, Anger and Discontent, all rolled into one.

But then…everybody ended up disappointed.

There was no confrontation and there was no street battle.

However, the White Van Man did get one up on the Bailiff, and he didn’t even have to get out of his van.

Could it be that our very own van white man is becoming smarter. Instead of seeing red and going instantly after the bailiff, the white van man made a simple phone call to give the bailiff what onlookers called…

“A taste of his own medicine.”

What happened here is the bailiff was on the street to do an eviction (nothing to do with the white van man).

But the bailiff decided it was ok to park in front of the drive of the white van, blocking it in.

“You can’t park there,” said the white van man from inside his van.”

“I can do what I want…I’m a bailiff!”

Trapped inside his drive like a lion in a cage, you would have expected fireworks at this moment. But no…a simple phone call led to something that nobody expected.

The Police came around and CLAMPED THE BAILIFF!!

Why? Because the white van man had a number of disabled stickers in his back window, which meant the bailiff had no right to park there.

While the bailiff was off doing an enforcement elsewhere on the street, his own van was being clamped.

So that is White Van Man 1 – Bailiff 0 – and the white van man didn’t even need to get out of his van.

Instead he sat patiently in his van and waited for the clamper to arrive. No doubt on his smartphone and visiting CVI to pass the time. Reading our blog posts and getting cheap van insurance from our 3 minute form.

“Are You Clucking With Me?” Said The Van Driver

Posted on by News Desk

“Is this is a clucking joke?” the van driver went on to add. “No it isn’t sir, and can you mind the language please, there are children here.”

“Oh just cluck off!” said the frustrated van driver as he turned on his engine and sped out of the KFC car park.

The van driver had been out to enjoy a KFC meal with dips. £5.70 was the exact price. “A change from ham sandwiches and pot noodles,” the van driver said.

Was it finger lickin good? No doubt it was, because as you are no doubt aware, KFC is the nations favourite…fast food chicken place.

Just like CVI is the nations favourite…cheap van insurance place. One of these days we should do a joint venture, especially since pot noodle never returned our call and those pesky meerkats seem to have the restaurant and pizza game under lock and key.

KFC could be the only avenue left for CVI to get into the fast food business…but once that partnership is in place then get ready for a chicken and cheap van insurance storm you have never seen before.

That was the plan anyway, until this recent story which seems to paint a different picture of KFC.

One of our very own white van men was sitting in his van in the KFC car park, enjoying his chicken and reading the CVI blog on his smartphone. When all of a sudden some jobsworth car park attendant swooped his van and slapped a £100 parking fine on his windscreen.

This led to our white van man to start “clucking” and as you can imagine there was a lot of rage, anger, and discontent.

Apparently the car park attendant slapped him with the fine for overstaying the 90 minute limit. Witnesses have confirmed the attendant was not dressed as a chicken.

“I’m not clucking paying it,” the van driver is thought to have said when asked about the fine.

This means the whole incident is now going to court, and if unsuccessful then the van driver will have to pay over £300 in costs.

The good news is that if he does lose then he could just visit the CVI 3 minute form and potentially save £300 on his van insurance.

“£300 to KFC…£300 saved on van insurance,” not a bad deal for the van driver I’m sure you will agree?

In defence of KFC it has come to light that the car park is not owned by them, which means they have nothing to do with the situation.

Does this means the partnership of KFC and Cheap Van Insurance is back on? It could be, and if so, then it would be clucking amazing.

Vans In The Village – Under Attack!

Posted on by News Desk

White van men have long sought out the safe haven of villages. There is plenty of space, and plenty of parking, and not much “rage.”

This all seems to be changing, with reports suggesting that vans in the village are now “under attack.”

Take the story of a white Ford Transit van in the quiet and sleepy village of Longniddry, Scotland. Nothing much ever happens there…until one night last year.

In an outburst that left everybody shocked, a man sat in his car and took aim at the white Ford Transit van.

He put his foot on the accelerator and smashed right into the side of the van. This wasn’t an accident. This was personal.

It seems the man in the car and the owner of the van had been in a long running feud for months. Eye witnesses claim it was to do with “the white van man parking too close to the car owners drive.”

It wasn’t the first time they had come to blows. With heated words being exchanged on numerous occasions before, but on this particular night the time for words was over…and action was the name of the game.

So the man got in his car, put it into first gear, and then rammed the van, letting off some much needed steam in the process, no doubt.

As you can imagine, the Scottish Police were soon on the scene and in no time at all they arrested the car owner and took him away in handcuffs.

It doesn’t matter if he was in the right or the wrong, when you crash into a van on purpose then expect to be spending time in jail.

If you own a van in a village, then let this be a word of warning to you.

Your van is not safe, no matter where you park it. It could be down a country lane, outside a country pub, in a field, or even outside your own home.

Vans in the village are now under attack, and if you don’t have the right van insurance then you are at risk.

Perhaps a vigilante car driver will smash into your van, before driving off into the night without a trace. If you don’t have a full van insurance policy then you could end up out of pocket.

Fortunately, you can compare van insurance right here at The Nations Favourite. It will only take 3 minutes of your time to get very cheap quotes, and then all you have to do is choose the right one for you.

“I use Cheap Van Insurance,” shouted van owners in villages around the UK.

Van Drivers Gone Wild

Posted on by News Desk

First I gave you “Apocalypse CVI,” and now, I give you…”Van Drivers Gone Wild.” A plan for TV domination in 2019.

The formula is simple: We need to take advantage of the publicity from our TV advertisements, by getting on the box with our very own show.

I was thinking me and a documentary film crew could “tour” the country and go to different towns and cities. The show would air on Channel 5 prime time and would rival Can’t Pay Take It Away as the nations favourite…TV program.

“Van Drivers Gone Wild,” is the name, and 9pm on a Wednesday night is the game.

The first episode…

“Wet and Wild,”

The story of a white van man in Surrey who took off in the rain and went on a rampage. We show actual footage of the wild manoeuvrers that took place on the wet roads, and speak with key eye witnesses to the rampage.

Then, in the final part of the show we reach a climax as we enter the prison cell of the white van man and put him on camera, in a no holds barred interview that will shock and entertain at the same time.

I envision that wherever me and the CVI film crew go…we will always attract a huge crowd.

We could give out free CVI hats, free CVI t-shirts, and even…free money. This is reality TV after all, and the more you pay…the wilder it gets!

We could make it rain money, and get the good people of our nation to do all kinds of things in the name of Cheap Van Insurance.

Once finished, everybody gets together to repeat after me…”The Nations Favourite!”

When Van Drivers Gone Wild is established on Channel 5 and winning awards, I think a spin off product should immediately be commissioned to cash in on the craze.

I call it…

Van Drivers AFTER DARK (Banned on TV)

So the plan is to take the footage which is too hot to handle and put it on a DVD. Then buy advertising space on those late night commercials you see after midnight.

“If you thought the van drivers were really wild and out of control on the popular Channel 5 series, then you haven’t seen anything yet, and for only £29.95 you can see everything.”

I reckon we could easily slap a £29.95 price tag for just one DVD and sell 1 million copies.

So that is £30 million quid into the CVI bank account.

“But wait there’s more…

Buy right now and you get the never before seen…

White Van Women Uncensored…

See what happens when the action gets really wet…

It’s yours, completely free of charge, but you must act now.”

So there we have it. This is my synopsis for the “Van Driver Gone Wild” brand. I believe millions will watch this every week and everyone will have a “Wild” DVD in their collection.

Of course, all of this is a lead generator for the simple 3 minute form that gets cheap van insurance for every van driver in the UK.

Van Drivers EXPOSED

Posted on by News Desk

Just who is that man or woman behind the wheel of a Ford Transit these days? We know most of them use CVI…but who are they exactly?

Well, thanks to new research we have gained a better understanding of exactly who is driving up and down the roads of our nation.

You might think it is the stereotypical “white van man” such as a builder, painter, carpenter, delivery driver, or electrician, and you would be right, they are the foundation of the van economy and the main user of CVI.

However, the research does suggest the landscape of van driving is changing. For example, 14,000 vans are owned by housewives and house husbands and many are used for business and pleasure. Even to take the kids to school.

Do you want more numbers? How about the fact that 414 waiters in the UK own a van. Or how about the fact that professional knitters are now prime targets for the van companies who want to make a sale.

We can’t mention vans without talking about accidents can we? The most accident prone van drivers are plumbing and heating engineers. Sure, they are good with their plungers and they enjoy eating their iced buns, but when it comes to getting into fender benders they are right there at number 1.

Company directors follow up plumbers on the list of accident prone van drivers, followed by carpenters and then joiners.

They are all welcome to fill in the 3 minute form here at CVI though. We forgive you.

When it comes to the battle of the sexes, men vs women, then who can be trusted more on UK roads to drive safely and obey the laws of the road?

The research shows it is women who are safer, with men more likely to get in an accident. 12% to be exact compared to 10% of women van drivers.

Both men and women van drivers visit CVI on a regular basis, with many calling it their home. They access it on their computer, tablet and smartphone, and tell all their family and friends about the power of CVI and the famous 3 minute form.

Back to accidents, and it’s Ford, Volkswagen, and Vauxhall which are the most likely brands to be involved in a crash.

Citroen are hot on the heels, with Renault, Mercedes, and Peugeot not far behind.

Yes you guessed it. CVI welcome all of these van brands and will provide you with a quote no matter how old or new your van is.

We also give quotes for Nissan, Mitsubishi and Fiat vans. Just fill in the simple form and be amazed at the magic of Cheap Van Insurance.

White Van Man On Tour…No More?

Posted on by News Desk

Our very own white van men have been known to leave the island and go on tour. To Europe they go…and beyond.

But mostly Europe. As we have reported about before here on the CVI blog, it is in countries such as France and Russia where white van owners have got themselves in a bit of bother. Some prison time…yes. Nothing too serious though.

The vast majority of “white van men on tour” don’t get in bother. A bit of rage? Yes. But handcuffs and 7 months of hard labour? No.

Most white van men head North, South, East and West. Where will they go next? Nobody knows…although, the days of touring the roads of our European Cousins may soon be coming to an end.

Why? Because if our country says “NO DEAL” to Brexit then white van owners may require a special Green Card to legally drive on the roads of Europe.

Right now, as we speak, a UK issued van insurance policy (like the one you can find through our 3 minute form) is enough to keep you legal to drive through EU countries.

However, if we decide that ALL DEALS ARE OFF…and we want to separate from Europe without any kind of deal, then, you can expect your van insurance policy to become “non Euro friendly.”

Instead, our European cousins (second cousins) will demand a special Green Card so you can legally drive on the wrong side of the road.

The French police will demand – “Carte Verte.”

Here is the thing: These European Driving Green Cards will be very much in demand. To the point where the demand will outstrip the supply.

“I can’t get my Green Card in time, what are my options?” The white van man about to go on tour will ask.

The solution is to print off the Green Card at home. You simply buy it in PDF form through PayPal on an official website and then let your printer do the hard work.

The catch? It needs to be green of course. It is a green card after all.

If you don’t have a colour printer or the “green” in your inkjets has seen better days, then your days of going on tour might be at an end.

You could always set off anyway, down to the port of Dover and through to the port of Calais, and then on to the open road.

But if your “Green Card” is actually a “Black and White Card” then you might find yourself at the wrong side of the law.

“NO VERDE!” – the Spanish police officer will say.

Our relationship with Europe is rocky enough, they won’t need much excuse to put you in jail.

And if you get angry? If you have an episode filled with rage and discontent? Then they may even put you away for quite a bit of time…just like our very own CNR, who is currently doing 7 years in a maximum security prison in the French City of Bordeaux.

Apparently its an Alcatraz type of prison. Set in a castle it is surrounded by high walls and no one has ever escaped. No visitors are allowed either, otherwise the CVI team would have been to see him.

LATEST: Van Thief “Houdini” Strikes Again

Posted on by News Desk

Van crime lurks in the cracks of dawn. During the silence and calm, a famous van thief steps from the shadows.

According to leading scientists, it is the “dawn hours” when van owners are in their deepest sleep. Its called “REM” AKA Rapid eye movement.

While you snooze, the van criminal fills up with loot, and he really sticks in the boot, and then you lose.

Its the crack of dawn.

Take just one neighbourhood in London, where just last week there was 4 separate incidents all in the space of just under an hour.

At 4:02am, one van gang member tiptoed his way towards a Ford Transit van and did the “peel and steal” manoeuvrer in 71 seconds flat. Police said it was the best they have seen yet.

Then just 2 streets away at 4:15 another van hoodlum slid his way under the security camera and performed the “shake and bake” on a blue Citroen van. He did it with such precision, the police are still scratching their heads.

By 4:47 this van gang with a plan were becoming more brave. Still cautious…but brave. They saw an LCV just sitting there in the calm of the dawn… just like a sitting duck.

So they went right in and pulled off…the “Ram and slam” in 2 minutes and 2 seconds. Those tools flew out of the back and into the night. Police are appealing for witnesses.

At 4:57 at the other end of the street a carpenter pulls out of a junction at the end of the road on his way to work…and then…BAM…he didn’t even see it coming.

It was a manoeuvre called the “Ham Sandwich” – done with quickness, it lasted only 45 seconds from bread to butter. Two motorbikes trapped the van from either side, forcing him to stop, and then…a quick looting followed by an even quicker getaway.

Police are warning van owners to watch out for a new van trick from van criminals on bikes called the BLT . More dangerous than the ham sandwich..only a few organised van gangs can pull it off. You are most at risk during the dawn hours, remember.

And while all of this was going off. The silence of dawn remained. And then…”flash flash” – and he was in…and OUT

He strikes again.

The van thief Houdini – remember him?

Nobody knows who he is, or where he will strike next. Not even the van gangs know. He is a lone ranger. He works…alone.

But he is good. Some say the best.

Just like CVI. He is not like the rest.

Step 1

Complete your quick and easy quote

Step 2

Reveal your van insurance policies

Step 3

Pick your favourite and get instant cover