Tag: white van drivers

The Cardiff Incident – RE: White Van Man

Posted on by News Desk

As I walked back towards the CVI limo I noticed the windows were steamed up. “What are you doing?” I demanded to know…

Hi, It’s the CNR from CVI here and I am probably getting ahead of myself a bit. Let’s start from the beginning, shall we? Ok, here is the bizarre story, involving a…yep you got it, a white van man.

As CVI enthusiasts will know I’ve been in Cardiff on tour, seeking out stories about white van men becoming “unhinged” in this “summer of scam” that is going on right now, as we speak.

I wasn’t disappointed .As soon as I took to the streets of Cardiff I found plenty of stories about white van drivers being unleashed and unchained.

At the end of a long day filling up my notebook with stories I decided it was time to take a break and get some food before heading back to the hotel for the night.

“Take me to Tesco,” I said to the Limo driver, and with those words he drove me through the quiet Cardiff streets to the supermarket car park.

“I’m going to get a pot noodle, do you want anything?” I asked the limo driver.

“yes get me a beef and tomato flavour,” he replied.

“Ok…oh and put the kettle on while I’m gone…we need it for our pot noodles,” I said.

Tesco was empty which meant I quickly located the pot noodle aisle and found a chicken and mushroom flavour for me and beef and tomato for the driver, then I headed for the checkout.

With two pot noodles firmly in hand I walked back out into the quiet car park and what I saw next I couldn’t believe. The end of the day suddenly became the headline of the day.

My first reaction was to drop the pot noodles and reach for my Motorola, but then I remembered it didn’t have a camera. So I did what any Chief News Reporter would do in this situation…I got out my notebook.

I simply wrote what I saw…

“White Volkswagen van driving around Tesco car park, with a man clinging to the top and doing press ups. Another man in the van driving. Man on top still doing press ups. Coked up? Puff the magic dragon? Has the white van man finally become totally unhinged? Still driving around the car park…still doing press ups..it has now driven off into the night.”

What more could I do? I headed towards the limo still in a daze.

As I walked back towards the CVI limo I noticed the windows were steamed up. “What are you doing?” I demanded to know…

The window of the limo opened up slightly and some steam flew out.

“I’m boiling the kettle…for the pot noodles,” the limo driver said.

“Oh” I replied, “of course,” realising I had forgot all about the pot noodles.

I went back and picked them up off the ground and then got in the limo.

We sat there in silence eating our pot noodles. I wasn’t even sure if the limo driver had seen the white van incident because the windows had been steamed up. I wasn’t even sure if this was reality anymore.

Rather than say anything about the incident I decided to finish my pot noodle and then say to the limo driver…

“Take me back to CVI HQ…we must drive through the night.”

I didn’t want to hang around in Cardiff any longer I thought to myself. This summer was getting way too strange.

“ACTION!” – The Van Insurance Scam Straight From a Movie

Posted on by News Desk

Most van insurance scams you can see a mile off. These scammers roam the country ready to pounce with brute force. No finesse required.

However, if reports are to be trusted then a new type of van insurance scam could be hitting the nation very soon. A type of scam that will make you ask yourself…”Just where are the movie cameras?”

It isn’t Hollywood where this scam is coming from though, oh no, it is further East. To the cold and snowy city of Moscow where van drivers often have to combat icy roads on a daily basis.

Don’t forget that our very own white van drivers have also been known to make their way behind the iron curtain, so to speak – White Van Men On Tour – it was called.

This new scam was all set to land on British shores without warning, that was until a Russian van driver picked up something on their dashcam.

That is why I advise all UK van drivers to buy dashcams for their vehicles. In fact, buy 2. One for the front and one for the back. They see everything.

Just like on this cold and icy winter morning in Moscow, where suddenly, and without warning, a young woman walked out in front of a van driving down the road.

The van driver braked with full force, but that didn’t stop the woman being hit, as she ended up on the bonnet.

Was the van driver to blame? Without the dashcam footage many would no doubt have said so, but, the dashcam showed a completely different story.

What it showed was the woman jumping from the side of the road and into the path of the van. After reviewing the footage it was described as a “theatrical” jump. Almost like a Hollywood stunt actor trying to win some kind of award.

The incident was definitely worthy of a well paid stuntwoman as she jumped right into the bonnet with a precision that many would not believe…if they didn’t see it right there on the dashcam footage.

So was this woman auditioning for a Hollywood blockbuster or was something else the motivation that day? It was the latter.

“Van Insurance Scam,” is what the driver shouted in his local language when he reviewed the footage. You couldn’t fool this guy.

His friends agreed, and when they showed the footage to the local police they agreed as well. “Take her to the gulag,” was their solution. That is how they deal with van insurance scammers in Russia.

Is it how they are going to deal with the same crime here in the UK? I don’t think so, and unfortunately many of these scammers will probably be very successful jumping in front of vans and making insurance claims.

The only way that you, the British van driver can protect yourself from this madness is to get the best van insurance possible. It all starts with our 3 minute form.

White Van Drivers Throw Away Ham Sandwiches

Posted on by News Desk

In a survey that has sent shockwaves around the country, it was revealed that so called “white van men” are throwing away their ham sandwiches.

It’s a tradition of course, for your average white van owner to take a packed lunch of ham sandwiches with them on a hard day of work…a tradition that now seems to be coming to an end.

According to the survey, it is “fruit, vegetables, and salad,” that tradespeople are now consuming at lunch time. Sure, they might still have a flask of tea and even a chocolate digestive, but, when it comes to healthy eating they are right on track.

The survey went on to find out that white van drivers are also swapping the traditional British fry up for more healthy options. Maybe some Greek yoghurt with sunflower seeds? They can leave it in the fridge overnight…ready for eating first thing in the morning.

Also, these van owners are getting out of their vans it seems. Usually, during the winter, they spend most of their time sat in the van with a blanket and thermal gloves, but this winter they have become more active, hitting the gym at least twice a week.

1 in 10 admitted they even hit the gym at least 5 times a week, typically going at the end of a work day to pump some iron and jump rope, no doubt.

Do you know what though? In my opinion this whole healthy eating and exercise regime is good for the white van man. Regular readers of this blog will be only too familiar with stories of “rage” and “discontent.” Going down the gym gives them an outlet for their frustration, so they are more calm throughout the day.

The survey went on to profile white van drivers even further, asking them questions about their lifestyle and interests. The answers were fascinating.

Football is the most popular activity for white van drivers, with 54% saying they watched or played it on a regular basis, with another 29% saying they preferred rugby.

Snooker is the indoor sport of choice for your average van driver surveyed, with most of them saying they enjoyed either playing it down the local club or watching it on the TV.

Interestingly, 12% said that scuba diving was a hobby, something which could be done while “on tour” abroad, although Siberia or Nevada probably wouldn’t be good destinations.

As we get further into the survey then it paints a picture of your average “white van man,” so to speak, as an angelic choir boy who couldn’t melt any butter in his mouth.

For example, 40% of those who took part in the survey said they were concerned about the so called stereotype of the white van driver, while 27% said they thought it was unfair. A further 60% claimed they were polite and understanding while on the road, while 47% stop on a regular basis to help other road users.

I wonder if this includes cyclists? As we all know, drivers of white vans and cyclists have a long running and bitter feud on our nations roads, which many times results in violence.

While white van men might be throwing away their ham sandwiches, the one thing they are not throwing away is cheap van insurance. “The Nations Favourite” is what many of them shout when it comes time to renew their van insurance, and then within 3 minutes they get quotes from around 40 companies and brokers.

Can’t Stand The Heat…Get Out Of The Van, Man

Posted on by News Desk

Self driving vans are all over the place…California, New York, Tokyo, Slough. Are they having it too easy though? A bit too…temperate.

The company Waymo, who are owned by Google and have been testing self driving vans all around the world, well, they seem to think all of their testing has been on the “easy setting,” and that is why they have decided to move on to pastures new.

Where exactly…perhaps Benidorm or Aya Napa? Places where the sun shines year round and the self driving vans would get a bit more heat.

No they are going even more extreme than that. Forget about the Costa Del Sol…the place where it really gets cooking is in the Nevada Desert.

Some parts of the desert over there in Nevada reach temperatures that would make your average white van man be forced to take off his socks. The shorts and vest would stay on of course, complete with a hat to keep their head out of direct sun.

Perhaps the ice cream vans of Britain could find a new trade in the desert of Nevada? I’m sure there would be a big queue for 99 cones once the midday sun came out and temperatures reached 50 degrees Celsius

While Waymo are testing in Nevada to see how the vehicles react, the one thing I think they should be testing for is how the average white van driver would react.

We all know that warmer weather tends to bring out their more aggressive side…the summer of rage, it was called.

How would they react in the heat of the desert? Putting them in the situation would be the only way to get our answer, but what I do know is that if they could access the Nations Favourite Van Insurance Website then it would go a long way to making them more chilled out.

I would imagine your average white van man, so to speak, would get a bit hot under the collar while navigating around the emptiness of the Nevada desert.

Of course, it would be the self driving Google van doing the driving, but that wouldn’t stop the agitation, if you ask me.

Even if it was a mirage they were seeing over yonder, of a cyclist swerving out and acting like they owned the road.

I’m sure that would soon get their attention, and even after finding out it was just their minds (and the desert) playing tricks on them, I’m sure there would still be a bit of swearing and fist banging.

All out rage? Maybe not. As long as they have access to Wi-Fi then they can always access Cheap Van Insurance to get quotes, even in the Nevada Desert.

The Winter of Unrest – White Van Drivers Unchained

Posted on by News Desk

Just when you thought it was safe to go out on the roads again, the so called “white van man” has been unchained and is coming to a place near by.

Experts are calling it the “winter of unrest” where drivers of those white vans that are so commonly seen around our roads have decided to start acting out again.

All out rage? Maybe, but this is more like a discontent that can only come during those winter months. I thought that van drivers were more chilled around this time of year…I was wrong.

Take the story of a white van man who went on a crusade of destruction in a quiet residential English town. 5 stationary cars took a hit that day, as well as innocent garden walls and a shop.

It was the beginning of this winter of unrest, that’s for sure, where Police estimate many thousands of pounds worth of damage was caused that day.

8 Police cars rushed to the scene with sirens blazing, no doubt, and a state of the art helicopter was hovering above tracking the van driver as he fled on foot, running away from the havoc his van had wreaked on that quiet street.

Why did he do it? If the Police ever find him then he may very well give us some clues when questioned. Maybe the word “unrest” will appear in the official transcripts. Who knows for sure.

What about the age old rivalry between white van drivers and cyclists, has that been a spark during this winter of unrest? Yes it has, unfortunately, in an incident that was witnessed by a pedestrian on the street although there was no mobile phone footage.

Instead, it was a quick incident that happened and before you know it, the van driver was fleeing the scene…fleeing away from the act that had just been committed, a pensioner being knocked from a bicycle.

It seems the van driver got annoyed with the cyclist and then, without warning, rammed him from behind.

According to the bystander the cyclist was not injured and Police have commented that no incident has been reported, but it just goes to show you what van drivers are potentially capable of in this winter of unrest.

Of course, it’s also Christmas time and a time when workers like to go out and enjoy a drink or two after a hard day doing things. However, for one particular white van man as they are called, a drink or two turned into several and then he proceeded to drive his van home.

Not directly home though. He took a scenic detour while under the influence and then decided it would be a good idea to drive full speed through a wall and into a garden. A few too many pints then, and a lot of “unrest,” but fortunately this guy has been found guilty in a court of law.

Is it all about destruction, violence and dangerous driving though, or are there other ways this “unrest” has been seen among the white van community this winter? One incident stands out.

An incident that the driver would have got away with, had he not filmed it on his phone, and the footage later found by Police.

They were at his house for a totally different reason you see…it had nothing to with the winter of unrest, but, when searching they found footage that has led many to refer to this van driver as…

“White Hand Man!”

I won’t go into details about exactly what was on that footage, but what I will say is that it was done while he was speeding along the motorway. I’m sure you can fill in the rest of the details yourself.

Perhaps he had visited the nations favourite van insurance comparison site and got cheap quotes that would make anyone happy, but then that feeling of “unrest” came on again, and he decided to activate the video camera on his mobile phone.

Who knows for sure, but what I do know is that we must now look forward to a new year and hopefully a step away from rage and unrest. A time for the so called white van men to change their ways.

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