Tag: France

White Van Man On Tour…No More?

Posted on by News Desk

Our very own white van men have been known to leave the island and go on tour. To Europe they go…and beyond.

But mostly Europe. As we have reported about before here on the CVI blog, it is in countries such as France and Russia where white van owners have got themselves in a bit of bother. Some prison time…yes. Nothing too serious though.

The vast majority of “white van men on tour” don’t get in bother. A bit of rage? Yes. But handcuffs and 7 months of hard labour? No.

Most white van men head North, South, East and West. Where will they go next? Nobody knows…although, the days of touring the roads of our European Cousins may soon be coming to an end.

Why? Because if our country says “NO DEAL” to Brexit then white van owners may require a special Green Card to legally drive on the roads of Europe.

Right now, as we speak, a UK issued van insurance policy (like the one you can find through our 3 minute form) is enough to keep you legal to drive through EU countries.

However, if we decide that ALL DEALS ARE OFF…and we want to separate from Europe without any kind of deal, then, you can expect your van insurance policy to become “non Euro friendly.”

Instead, our European cousins (second cousins) will demand a special Green Card so you can legally drive on the wrong side of the road.

The French police will demand – “Carte Verte.”

Here is the thing: These European Driving Green Cards will be very much in demand. To the point where the demand will outstrip the supply.

“I can’t get my Green Card in time, what are my options?” The white van man about to go on tour will ask.

The solution is to print off the Green Card at home. You simply buy it in PDF form through PayPal on an official website and then let your printer do the hard work.

The catch? It needs to be green of course. It is a green card after all.

If you don’t have a colour printer or the “green” in your inkjets has seen better days, then your days of going on tour might be at an end.

You could always set off anyway, down to the port of Dover and through to the port of Calais, and then on to the open road.

But if your “Green Card” is actually a “Black and White Card” then you might find yourself at the wrong side of the law.

“NO VERDE!” – the Spanish police officer will say.

Our relationship with Europe is rocky enough, they won’t need much excuse to put you in jail.

And if you get angry? If you have an episode filled with rage and discontent? Then they may even put you away for quite a bit of time…just like our very own CNR, who is currently doing 7 years in a maximum security prison in the French City of Bordeaux.

Apparently its an Alcatraz type of prison. Set in a castle it is surrounded by high walls and no one has ever escaped. No visitors are allowed either, otherwise the CVI team would have been to see him.

Revenge Of The White Van Dog

Posted on by News Desk

I watched as the White Van Man was restrained by 5 French police officers as commanded by the inspector.

I rushed over to the inspector.

“It’s ok…he is just a white van man…a bit hot under the collar…but no harm,” I said to the inspector.

“Monsieur…what do you know…you are just a balloon seller,” he replied

It was then he looked me up and down…”do you have a lisonce for selling those balloons?” he asked.

“No.”

“I arrest you in the name of the leahw!”

5 minutes later and me and the white van man were sat in the back of French Police van speeding through the streets of Paris with my balloons hanging out of the back window.

“Ne-nah, ne-nah, ne-nah, ne-nah…”

“You been on tour?” I asked the white van man.

“Yeah, just getting back from an extended tour in Siberia mate…hang on…how does a French balloon seller know so much English? He replied.

“Actually…I’m the CNR of a website called…”

I paused for effect…

“Cheap Van Insurance!”

“You…Are…Joking…It’s my favourite website pal. Proud customer of 5 years. Your blog posts kept me company in Siberia for the last 6 months.

Fast forward a few hours…and the boss back at HQ had spoke with the inspector and got me off with a warning and “no more costumes!” My balloons were confiscated.

I arrived back at the apartment.

“Chang…Chang…” I called out to my photographer. “Chang…Chang, where are you,” I said as I walked through the apartment.

There was an uneasy silence.

I went to the fridge to get some lunch.

As I opened the fridge door…Chang suddenly pounced out of the fridge and attacked me.

“sayawwwwww!” he shouted as he grabbed me and tried to take me to the floor.

“Chang…not…now….” I tried to say as we struggled

The struggle continued…right into the Steinway Piano in the living room.

“SMASH!”

It was an intense battle…and then…the phone rang.

We both stopped…and then Chang answered the pheun.

“CNR residence…it’s the boss,” he said handing me the pheun.

“Give me that,” I said snatching it away.

“Hello…”

“We’ve just received intelligence that the White Van Dog is at the park near your apartment. Go there immediately and get the photo. Our social media experts are waiting and ready to get this on Instagram. Don’t let us down…”

“I won’t,” I said.

I put the phone down.

“You are getting better Chang, but you forgot one thing…”

I gave him a “karate chop” to the head.

“Never let your guard down…”

“Now I must go to the park…I will take your camera.”

Chang spoke from the floor…

“Wait…the piano…that is a priceless Steinway,” he said.

“Not anymore.”

We both laughed.

10 minutes later and I was in the park trying to act normal but realised my white gloves and camera gave me away

and then…

there she was…

The White Van Dog

I approached with excitement.

“Does your dog bite?” I said to the owner.

“No”

I went to down to say hello and then…

*BITE*

“ouch!”

The white van dog bit my hand and ripped my glove off.

“I thought you said your dog did not bite?”

“That is not my dog,” he replied.

I watched as the white van dog ran off with my white van glove into the distance.

“Revenge of the White Van Dog,” I said to myself.

Return Of The White Van Man (On Tour)

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“The Inspector wants to talk with you,” I said to the boss over the phone as I sat there in a French Police Station. I handed over the phone.

“This IZ Chief Inspector speaking on the pheun,” the inspector said.

Wait a minute, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s go back to the start shall we.

It all started when we arrived in Paris in search of The White Van Dog if you remember.

The smell of French bread lingered in the air and the sights of accordion players with meenky’s (collecting the cash) made me feel like I was now in France. And I was.

I was with Chang, a freelance photographer from Beijing, who had moved to the UK a few years earlier to “photograph vans.”

He seem a bit awed by my presence. I was a CNR after all, while he was still basically a trainee. I liked him though.

“Always be on your guard Chang. That is the secret of excelling in the type of job we do. You never know what to expect next.”

Unfortunately, our afternoon spent walking around the streets and parks of Paris proved to be fruitless.

“No White Van Dogs today,” I said to Chang as we made our way back to the apartment.

The phone line at the apartment went down, and my phone had ran out of battery, with my charger still back at CVI HQ.

So communication with the boss was not possible, but at least it allowed me to focus 100% on finding The White Van Dog, without any distractions.

However, The White Van Dog proved to be elusive. Maybe she sensed I had arrived, and was now in hiding.

Or perhaps it was because I wore white gloves with “CVI” on one hand and “CNR” on the other.

It was obvious to me that I stood out like a sore thumb. I needed to be smarter so I hatched a cunning plan…I would wear a disguise.

So the next morning I dressed as a French Balloon seller, complete with a assortment of balloons to make my disguise even more authentic.

My plan was to head towards the local park and just observe, under the cover of my costume.

As I was leaving the apartment I bumped into Chang and he seemed startled.

“Who are you?” He said, in shock at seeing an intruder, no doubt.

“Relax Chang, It is me, the CNR,” I said as I lifted my cap and made my face more clear from behind the balloons.

“Ahhhh!” he said, knowingly.

10 minutes later and I was walking towards the local park when I heard a familiar sound…

“You What Mate?” The voice said.

I turned around…and right there on the road was a White Ford Transit Van…with a “white van man” arguing with an inspector of the French Police.

“Have these tools been robed?” the inspector said very loudly.

The white van man snapped…anger, rage, discontent…all rolled into one.

“Return of the white van man…on tour,” I said to myself.

White Van Men On Tour – Europe Edition

Posted on by News Desk

Not content with causing destruction on the roads of the UK, the white van man is now on tour, across the channel and in Europe.

To countries such as France, Germany, Poland, and Russia they go, sometimes to make deliveries and sometimes just to go for a scenic drive, maybe do a bit of business on the side. Business and pleasure.

I’ve reported before of course on how all British van drivers need to get a special sticker before entering the country of France.

Just stick it on your windscreen and you won’t be bothered by the French police, but ignore their laws and you will soon see those flashing lights in the rear view mirror.

Would that set off the average white van man on tour? Seeing the red, white and blue of the French police waving for them to “pull over, monsieur, je m’apelle.”

It could very well be a return to the scenes from the summer of rage and winter of unrest, where white van men, so to speak, were unchained and unleashed…only this time it would be on the roads of France.

Not only that, but let’s not forget that our French cousins drive on the other side of the road. Confusion could very much win the day when your average white van pulls out from Calais. Could that confusion then turn to all out rage? It very well could do.

The main thing all British van drivers should check is that they are fully covered by their insurance company to drive abroad before setting off from home.

You might have to pay extra to make sure your overseas van insurance cover is all in order, and if your renewal is coming up then perhaps it is time to switch to a cheaper deal, one that includes overseas insurance for your van.

The comparison website of choice for the average white van owner is of course The Nations Favourite. The place where comparing companies and getting quotes is as easy as making a flask of tea.

You can even access Cheap Van Insurance from any European country, so for any white van driver that is currently on tour and needs to sort out their insurance, you know where to go.

It’s much better to come here rather than being taken to a European prison, which is what could happen if you don’t have the correct insurance.

The Russian Police, for example, are always on the lookout for international commercial drivers AKA British white van men, and if you are not prepared to slip them a few rubles then you might just find yourself down the local gulag.

Sure, the white van man would resist at first, he might even get very hot under the collar in the freezing temperatures of Siberia, but then, in no time at all he would be overpowered, much like a polar bear being taken down by a pack of wolves.

The Siberian wilderness is a lonely place to be for white ford transit drivers, every day doing hard labour and eating soup of the day for lunch. No ham sandwiches on the menu.

It would be a time for the white van man to learn their lesson if you ask me. To turn over a new leaf and keep their temper in check. Until they are released, back to the UK…

Van Drivers Warned About Travelling to France

Posted on by News Desk

If you drive a van and are planning a trip to France over the coming weeks, then make sure you don’t get a £117 fine for driving on their roads.

Many people who drive commercial vehicles have to cross the English Channel into France and then make deliveries or collect important stock…but not many drivers are aware of the new law that has just been passed by the French government.

Basically, what this is all about is a new “vehicle emissions sticker” that every vehicle must display on their windscreen. Right now the sticker only costs £3.60, but if caught by French Police without it, then expect to get fined £117 immediately.

You won’t even get a chance to appeal, and you won’t be able to say “do you take a cheque?” From what I’ve been hearing the French Police are taking a zero tolerance stance on this new law, and if you don’t have a sticker then they will immediately whip out their credit card machine and demand instant payment for the fine.

Something tells me they are going to be watching the roads closely for vehicles from abroad driving on their roads, where people behind the wheel are not aware of the new French laws.

This includes van drivers of course, who in my opinion are always easy targets because they are more likely to have money on them. I would expect French Police to prefer cash over credit cards, and it wouldn’t surprise me if they have change on them.

What happens if you can’t pay…will they take your van away? They might just do that, and then you will have to pay even more cash to get it back.

Not only that, but in some circumstances you might even find yourself spending the night in a French jail. It certainly is a bit extreme to think that you are going to get nicked for not having a sticker, but when you are dealing with Police in another country who knows what will happen.

Hopefully, most UK van drivers are aware of this new French law, but if you have a mate or work colleague that is travelling to France soon, you might just want to let them know.

Any driver planning on visiting France in the near future should visit the Crit’Air official website and then order a sticker for £3.60.

Also, make sure you have the correct van insurance for travelling abroad, because the last thing you want is to be pulled over by French Police for no sticker and no insurance.

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Complete your quick and easy quote

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