cornwall

Okay, we realise how silly the title of this week’s blog post sounds. But dear readers, we simply could not resist reporting on this story from Cornwall that took place a few days ago.

Enjoy… Some scenes may have been dramatized for effect.

I’m feeling good: Scene 1

Picture the scene: you’re driving along a picturesque Cornwall road. The weather is lovely, and you’re looking forward to having an ice cream later.

But wait!

A copper is signalling for you to pull over. What have you gone and done now, eh?

Well actually, it seems there is good reason for you to be pulled over.

As you signal to pull up by the kerb, you think of the best excuse you can muster because you know exactly what the police are about to ask for.

You ensure your poker face gives nothing away.

Actions speak louder than words: Scene 2

“So fella, we can’t seem to find any insurance on your van. Can you explain that?”

Words fail you, despite having tried desperately to come up with a palpable excuse. Several reasons flit through your mind, but none of them suffice.

There is only one thing for it. You’re going to have to use a technicality.

“Well sir, I have received a van insurance quote. Surely that’s valid?”

You flutter your eyelashes, hoping with all your might that you look as cute as your neighbour Marge’s new puppy.

Unfortunately, and predictably, it doesn’t work. Even though you’re a company director.

This is outrageous. The audacity! How dare anyone question the status of your van insurance?

Technicalities don’t prosper: End scene

You can imagine this tale doesn’t end well, and you would be right. The van was seized. Contrary to popular belief (or not), simply having a quote for insurance, doesn’t actually mean you’re insured.

We know, we were amazed to find this out, too. (Just kidding – we’d be awful at our jobs if that was the case).

What this poor fella needed was 3 minutes of his time to fill out our form. He would have then received several cheap van insurance quotes from reputable providers. His next step would have been to, of course, actually proceed with taking out and arranging payment for a policy.

Don’t be like this guy, and save on your van insurance costs with us. Otherwise, you may find your own sorry tale playing out.

Just weeks after reporting to you that more and more of you are embracing healthier living and a vegetarian lifestyle, the news is that down in Cornwall, there’s been a war of the van-driving carnivores.

Yes, the usual calm of Launceston, Cornwall was the site of a major turf war between Cornish Pasty Van Man Scot Weller and his rival Benjamin Harbour. Mr Weller was driven at by Burger Van Man Benjamin Harbour when a turf war got out of hand. The battle took place on an industrial estate where Mr Weller had, for years, traded, undisturbed, plying his pasties to the happy customers of the local area, with things only ever getting difficult when people wanted to debate Gregg’s vegan ‘steak slice’ with him.

However all that changed and the relative calm of Launceston was upended when Mr Harbour and his trusty burger van decided that Weller had had it too good for too long, and drove his van directly at Mr Weller.

It was ground beef at dawn, apparently.

Mr Weller had previously been the victim of multiple threats by Mr Harbour, who wanted the pitch for himself. The threats and intimidation eventually peaked with Mr Harbour losing his cool and driving towards Mr Weller, in a bid to get him to move his pitch. Thankfully, Mr Weller had already been and spoken to the police, and had been advised to record any interactions between the two men, which led to the whole thing being captured on camera.

As a result of the unassailable video evidence, Mr Harbour was taken to court, where he was duly punished after pleading guilty to driving without due care and attention and common assault.

When it comes to our personal preference, we’d always choose pastry over a bun, and so for that alone, we’re glad that Mr Weller has been allowed to continue to pitch his pasties undisturbed, hopefully for many years to come.

… Tune in next week for the battle of the East London spirulina seller versus the yogi. (Perhaps).

Tag: cornwall

When Actions Speak Louder than Words: A Short Tale

Pasty Wars in Cornwall

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