Tag: cheap van insurance

2020 – Are We There Yet?

Posted on by News Desk

So, delivery drivers are (somewhat) breathing a sigh of relief that Christmas is finally over and the last-minute deluge of everyone needing everything yesterday has almost abated. (Unless you’re still working like a dog delivering sale parcels here, there and everywhere). Hopefully, you’ve had a good few days off, will enjoy another this week before things start to resume an air of finally getting back to something approaching normality. 

Spare a moment for some reflection on the year you’ve had. Maybe you’ve got a new van, maybe 2020 is the year you’re going to. What lessons did you learn this year? How many parking fines, tickets and arguments with traffic wardens did you get into? If it’s single digit, you’re doing okay. If it’s more, maybe the new millennium will be the time for you to think about how you can redress the balance a little. 

How’s your health been? Sitting behind the wheel day after day isn’t the healthiest life, and the stress of being on the road doesn’t just wash over most people. Are there things you could do better or do you need to work some regular exercise into your routine? Or find a better way to blow off steam at the end of a working week than sinking a few pints in the pub. 

How about your driving? Did you have any near misses or scrapes and dings you could have avoided with a little more care and attention? Did your rush to be at your destination get the better of you sometimes and lead to silly mistakes you didn’t need to make?

Did you get any speeding fines or other points on your license this year? Could you have avoided them? If you did, no doubt you’re paying the price in terms of your van insurance premiums. If you already have a few convictions are you going to find yourself in a tough spot if you rack up any more this year? 

Did you neglect keeping on top of your servicing and van maintenance? Did a little problem become bigger as a result? Driving without up to date tax and insurance is just foolish and keeping your van on the road when it needs some TLC is equally irresponsible. 

Buying a new van? How will you finance it? Make sure you look into all the different options that are available before committing to whatever the dealership suggests. 

What will the next few years hold? Maybe you’re happy to just keep on trucking, but maybe you’re looking forward to working a new patch or changing what your day to day driving involves. If so, make some tangible goals you can work towards getting to where you want to be.

Wherever you’re going, and whatever you’re doing, just remember if you’re van insurance requirements are going to change, we’ve got your back. Just fill in our simple form for the best quotes for van insurance to be coming to you direct, leaving you free to worry about something else (possibly) far more interesting.

Van drivers, we salute you all and wish you a very happy new year.

Perfect Christmas gifts for Van Drivers

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Okay, so you’ve been asked what you’d like and besides that box set and PS4 game that you know you’re not going to get, what can you ask for?

Here are our top ideas to make any driving days just that little bit better.

Like your coffee? How about a portable espresso machine? Perfect for coffee on the go. This takes classic coffee pod filters, and can be plugged in to your van’s power socket.

Or what about a heated lunch box? This is great for those who drive long distances and want a hot meal, without paying an arm and a leg at the service stations – just plug it in to your car charger socket and enjoy a nice warm lunch, rather than a chilly limp sandwich.

Magnetic phone and coin pads.Never be rifling around for coins again, have your phone where you can see it, and generally be a little more organised with one of these. 

Heated seat pads. Because there’s nothing like a warm bum on a cold day! Or, go the whole hog and ask for an in-car electric blanket. Perfect if you’re a driver up north who frequently battles with the snow and can sometimes see yourself stuck in accident traffic or impassable roads. 

In-car Wi-Fi. Turn your cab into your office with one of these great gadgets. Be always on, listen to music, game while you’re waiting for a pick-up (but not in a traffic jam, please)

Mini hoover.Let’s make spiders dropping from the visor a thing of the past, people. An in-van mini hoover can help clear up those crumbs and that dirt in no time. 

Hanging storage. Keep all your paperwork in one place, and find things fast. It will shave a few minutes off your day, and in an industry where every second counts, you’ll be thankful for it.

A lumbar support cushion. Because being a van driver plays havoc with most people’s backs, given enough time behind the wheel. A solid, supporting cushion for your back will pay dividends and save the cost of those trips to the osteopath. (although we can recommend a brilliant one, if you do need one). 

Van detailing kit.Because we all like a nice, clean van, don’t we? Oh, wait. Well, maybe if you get one, you’ll actually use it. We can’t force you to, but you know, it might just give you the motivation that none of the lads have managed. Make it a new year’s resolution. 

A driving experiences.No chugging along, waiting for the diesel to finally kick in and give you some oomph. Blast out your driving frustrations with a track session in a supercar at one of the U.K.’s race tracks and unleash your inner Lewis Hamilton (other F1 drivers are available). 

White Van Men Are Great In Bed, Study Finds

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Well, well well. If this wasn’t something you didn’t already know but are bloody chuffed to read again, here it is…

White van men are good in bed. It’s official! And, as your cheerleaders and (un)official sponsors of white van men and women everywhere, we felt we simply had to share it!

The poll, commissioned by online doctor service, Zava, decreed that while white van men were king of making the moves between the sheets, while tradesmen, managers and house-husbands all left a lot to be desired (probably something to do with the hunky WMV down the road). 

A huge 20% of all the respondents in the survey, white van men included, said stress was a major issue that hampered their love-lives. 

While many men of the 1035 surveyed said at some points in time that they struggled to rise to the occasion, most said that they felt unable to talk to their partner or their doctor about it, and 17% had secretly resorted to taking little blue pills to help alleviate the issue.  Over 60% of managers admitted to struggling to get things moving, 20% more than those who work in skilled or semi-skilled jobs, such as white van men. And the good news is you can feel a little bit sorry for all the rich gits swanning around in their fancy cars and posh suits. Those earning between £60,000 – £100,000 were most likely to report ED issues, the study found.

Something that others, who aren’t white van men, have observed is that there’s something very primal and macho about being a white van man (as if you didn’t know), which probably contributes to their stellar performance in the bedroom. If you’re spending all day being macho and manly, it makes sense that carries on home to your private life. It’s just a more blokey way to live and comes with a certain power and status that other road-users simply can’t muster. 

So, you can keep your suits, and your flash cars and give your van a little pat on the bonnet for making you what you are. A tiger in the bedroom. As soon as you’ve helped the wife with the washing up, that is. 

The Wicker Van Part 4

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Sergeant Dowie came face to face with…

A van made completely of wicker.

Some staff surrounded the van with flames ready to set it alight.

The Sergeant started to panic.

“You don’t want to do this…what you are about to commit is…

“Relax sergeant.” said Lord CVI with a smile.

“All we are going to do is offer the white van gods exactly what they want…and that thing is…

Your uniform.”

“You are not going to put me in the wicker van?” said Sergeant Dowie with a hint of relief in his voice.

“Of course not,” replied Lord Cvi…”what do you think we are? Heathens?”

All of the CVI staff and CVI Island residents laughed.

Lord CVI now stood in front of Sergeant Dowie and explained everything:

“This year our Cheap Van Insurance did fail…for the first time since we started…and it is because we have angered the white van gods.

We must give them a peace offering…

The uniform of a police officer…”

“But why? What are you talking about?”said a confused Sergeant Dowie.

“Anyone who reads the CVI blog will know that white van men and the police are common enemies, going against each other week after week. We must take a side. Right Now. And that is what we are going to do…

But it couldn’t be any old police officers uniform…

It had to be the uniform of a Sergeant…

Also, you had to come of your own free will – you did – we baited you with fake stories on our blog – starting off with “Duel in Dundee” – then on to France with our “White Van Dog” and then on to the “CVI Shining….

You had to come as a fool – which you are now dressed

And now we will place your uniform in the wicker van…”

“But wait…my uniform is back at the canteen at CVI HQ,” replied Sergeant Dowie.

Just then the canteen manager appeared with the uniform.

“Oh…sorry about the Judo Chop.”

“Aye. It’s alright,” replied the canteen manager.

“And now we will place your uniform in the wicker van…” announced Lord CVI to everybody with baited breath.

They set the Wicker Van alight.

All the CVI staff and residents joined hands around the burning wicker van and sang…

“Autumn is a coming…”

And on and on they sang.

Lord CVI turned to the sergeant who was watching everything…

“And now…you came as a fool, and you must leave as a fool…make sure he flys back to the mainland in that costume.”

The security staff took him off.

Most of the CVI staff started to make their way back to HQ, while Lord CVI and The CNR stopped to ponder the moment.

“Does that mean I can stop writing those stupid stories now?” asked the CNR.

“Yes you can. We have achieved our goal. The White van gods are satisfied and Cheap Van Insurance is the number 1 yet again.”

“And I can go back to my office?”

“Of course…this might be the end of ridiculous stories on the CVI blog…but we have much work to do reporting on white van men and the white van community. We must serve them like we have never served them before”

“I’m going to get back to work straight away.” said the CNR with enthusiasm.

“Let’s go together…our work here is done.” replied Lord CVI.

And with those words the clouds parted and the sun appeared for the first time since morning, as it began to set on CVI Island.

The Wicker Van Part 3

Posted on by News Desk

Sergeant Dowie walked around the empty corridors of CVI HQ. He Looked at certificates on the wall that dated back from the noughties.

“This is to certify that Cheap Van Insurance is the cheapest van insurance comparison site in the UK,” read each certificate, year by year, one by one.

He got to the end…there was an empty place, and the year said 2019…but there was no certificate.

“The cheap van insurance failed this year,” he observed.

Then he thought back to what Lord CVI had said about White Van Gods…

“Sacrifice!” he said in a moment of clarity as he started to piece the jigsaw together.

===============

It didn’t take him long to confirm his theory…

He quietly walked towards the canteen and overhead the canteen manager and caretaker talking…

“What time is the sacrifice happening?”

“About 4pm”

“Are you going dressed as the fool, like always?”

“Aye.”

The sergeant waited for the caretaker to leave, and then creeped up behind the canteen manager as he was getting his costume ready.

“JUDO CHOP”

The canteen manager fell to the floor

====================================

Sergeant Dowie was now dressed as the fool and part of the parade as they went through the lush greenery of CVI island.

He was trying to keep in sync with everybody with the strange dancing and rituals but found it difficult.

“What’s wrong canteen manager? Have you been eating too much of your tomato sauce again? Keep up man,” said the Lord CVI, who was dressed himself in a costume.

Sergeant Dowie tried his best to fit in and hide his true identity as they continued through the island. He pulled it off…just.

And then…they came to the beach near some rocks and a cave.

And then…the CNR appeared out of the cave with his hands tied behind his back and 2 men from the CVI security team either side.

Lord CVI stood in front of everybody and spoke…

“And now…it is time.”

The sergeant quickly ran towards the CNR and then…

DOUBLE JUDO CHOP – he took out both security guards.

“Thank you, mister, quick untie me,” said the CNR.

“You are the Chief News reporter I presume,” asked Sergeant Dowie while untying him.

“Yes mister…you came just in time…quick…I know a way out…this way, through the cave, follow me.”

The sergeant followed the CNR through the cave and they ran for about 5 minutes then they climbed through a hole.

He was expecting for them to both run for safety, but instead, he came face to face with Lord CVI and the staff. Who were now not wearing their costumes.

“Did I do good?” said the CNR

“Marvellous! you did great” replied Lord CVI.

The CNR ran over to join the rest of the CVI staff.

Many of the locals from CVI island started to gather…surrounding the sergeant…there was no way out…they were on a cliff, at the bottom of a hill.

“And now, it is time for you to keep your date with…

The Wicker Van,” said Lord CVI

The CVI security team minus 2 – grabbed the sergeant and started leading him up the hill, while someone banged a drum slowly, adding to the tension of what was about to happen.

As the sergeant approached the top of the hill he suddenly could see what was on top…

His face turned to shock and terror

“OH GOD…OH NO!!”

The Wicker Van Part 2

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“Lord CVI I presume?” asked Sergeant Dowie as he walked into the office.

“At your service,” replied Lord CVI getting up from his armchair.

Sergeant Dowie stood there for a moment, looking Lord CVI up and down.

“Yes…I’m a police officer from the mainland and I’m looking for a missing person…The Chief News Reporter from your blog,” said Sergeant Dowie as he handed the photo to Lord CVI.

“I’m sorry…I can’t help you.” said Lord CVI after looking at the photo for a few seconds.

Sergeant Dowie became impatient and bit agitated…

“Oh yes you can help me! According to your blog he was imprisoned in a maximum security prison in Bordeaux..but Lord CVI …there is no maximum security prison in Bordeaux, and there is no record of this man ever setting foot in the country of France!!”

“So you suspect…foul play?”

“Lord CVI…I suspect…MURDER!!!!”

“Oh no,” replied Lord CVI, in a relaxed and calm tone.”

“Oh Yes!” replied Sergeant Dowie getting more and more irritated.

“Well, I really hope you get to the bottom of this,” said Lord CVI as he started to look out of the window into the CVI HQ grounds.

Sergeant Dowie looked to see what had caught Lord CVI’s attention…and was horrified to see naked women dancing about without a care in the world.

“Just what kind of enterprise are you running here?”

“Oh that is just some of the CVI staff enjoying their lunch break…our motto here at CVI is…be free and do what you want.”

“I’ve never seen such a thing!”

“Yes…well….what you must understand is that here at Cheap Van Insurance we do things differently. I moved to this island in the noughties, at that point there was a declining fishing industry on the island, but that came to an end, and it was me who introduced Cheap Van Insurance as the main source of income…

We could offer cheaper prices than sites and companies on the main land…and do our own thing. Every year we pray to the White Van Gods and they reward us with cheap prices again and again,” said Lord CVI.

“What on earth are you talking about?” replied Sergeant Dowie.

Lord CVI paused for a minute, pondering if to tell the Sergeant more about his company and the White Van Gods, but then decided against it.

“Look…I really don’t see how I can help you…allow me to arrange my assistant to drive you back to your plane.”

“I will be staying right here on this island until I find out what happened to your Chief News Reporter (CNR)!” said Sergeant Dowie in a defiant tone.

“I see,” came the reply from Lord CVI.

The Wicker Van Part 1

Posted on by News Desk

The sea plane touched down on the clear waters just off CVI island. The sun shone briefly, and then it became cloudy.

A small crowd of locals gathered to look at the plane which had just landed.

“I am a Police Officer from the mainland…is this CVI island?” he shouted from the plane.

“Aye” replied one of the locals.

“Can you send a boat to get me?”

“Aye.”

5 Minutes later and the police officer was on the safety of land. With his 2 feet firmly on CVI island, he began to question the small crowd of locals.

“I’m here on official police business…my name is Sergeant Dowie…I’m looking for a missing person.”

“Oh,” replied one of the locals.

“Here is a photo of the missing man…do you know him?”

The photo was passed around the crowd of locals.

“Never seen him” – “That face is not from this island” – “You are in the wrong place,”

“This missing man I am looking for is the Chief News Reporter from the main employer of this island…Cheap Van Insurance,” said Sergeant Dowie.

“Oh yes”

“But you have never seen him?”

“Oh no”

“And which way is it to the Cheap Van Insurance HQ?”

“It’s that way…”

10 Minutes later and Sergeant Dowie arrived at the Cheap Van Insurance HQ entrance. The head of the SEO Department was waiting for him.

“I am here on official Police business, looking for a missing man, he was the Chief News Reporter of this company,” he said handing the picture to the head of the SEO Department.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help you,” she said.

“Can’t? Or won’t?” replied Sergeant Dowie.

The sergeant pushed his way through the entrance and into the building to begin his investigation.

“Who does this office belong to?” he asked, pointing towards a dark and empty looking room.

“No-one.”

“So why does it say “CNR” on the door, which are the initials of the man I am looking for?”

“It doesn’t.”

“It’s right there, and may I remind you that lying to a Police Officer is a criminal offence.”

“I’m sure there is an explanation,” said the head of the SEO department.

“I’m sure there is…And I want you to take me to the leader of Cheap Van Insurance, Lord CVI himself right now so he can give an explanation,” replied Sergeant Dowie.

“His office is just round the corner…I will take you there.”

A few minutes later and Sergeant Dowie was walking into the office of Lord CVI…

White Van Man Drives Thru a Bus

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In a quiet town, on a quiet road, there was a bus. The passengers sat in silence as it cruised to the next bus stop. Everything was normal, and then…

“CRASH. BANG.WALLOP.”

It was…yes…you guessed it…

A White van man!!

Right into the side of the bus he crashed, with enough force to send many of the passengers to the floor.

Luckily no-one was hurt. A bit shaken? Yes. But no-one was hurt. And they were not surprised either to see a white van man was the culprit.

Did this white van driver have something against this bus? Was it an act of revenge, or maybe anger, or even rage or discontent?

No, no, no and no.

In fact, the white van man was high on his own supply!

Regular readers of the CVI could have probably seen that one coming a mile off. We have reported many times about the war on drugs on our nations roads. Well, it appears our very own white van man is living up to the hype.

This guy had been to McDonalds. No doubt he had the munchies, so to speak…but this was not going to be a “Happy Meal.” Oh no. Because while driving back from the drive thru with a burger in his lap, he went straight into the side of a bus.

CCTV captured the moment. It happened quickly. All of a sudden. But there was no doubt the white van man was at fault.

So when the cops arrived on the scene it wasn’t long before they pulled out their wipes.

“Come here young man, I need to wipe your…”

There was a silence as the young white van driver wondered what was about to happen…

“Wipe my what?”

“Your…Mouth!” said the Police Officer.

It was those trusty Drug Wipes we have been telling you about. They give cops the ability to test van drivers at the side of the road. Right away.

And guess what?

This white van man was found to have cocaine in his system. The real good stuff straight from Bolivia.

No wonder he crashed into the single decker, he was probably seeing a triple decker.

Right now, as we speak, the white van man is awaiting sentence from a court of law, although you can be rest assured that the bus is repaired and back on the road.

Unfortunately, it is drug fuelled white van drivers like this one who are giving all white van men a bad name.

You might be a law abiding white van man who has never puffed on the magic dragon before, but that won’t stop your van insurance prices from becoming higher.

Here at CVI we are for white van men who don’t do drugs or drive while high as a kite. If you don’t do either then you are welcome to fill in our 3 minute form and see if you can save money on van insurance.

Best Place To Drive A Van (And The Worst)

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If you drive a van for business or pleasure, then you may be wondering where in the country is the best place to get on the road?

Is your current location the bees knees? Or would you be better off heading up North, or down South, or towards the West or East? Maybe you be best off leaving the country completely and starting anew in a foreign land?

Before you go “on tour,” – take a few minutes to read our blog post here at the CVI blog about the best and worst places to drive and own a van in the UK.

Okay, so let’s get straight into the action here and the number 1 WORST place to own a van is in London. Is it any surprise? Not to us here at CVI.

In North West London you have a higher chance of being in a fender bender. While in Greater London there is more chance your van gets nicked.

“Cor Blimey Guvnor, someone as nicked me van,” said the London resident.

Want to know some of the other WORST places to drive a van? Try on Harrow for size, where you are almost just as likely to shunted from behind as you are in Capital.

Other places to watch out for include Bromley, Watford, Dartford, and Sutton. In other words, if you are thinking about moving Up North then it might be a good idea.

Or even across the sea? Because it is Belfast which has been voted the number 1 BEST place to own and drive a van in the UK.

So if you want some peace and quiet and a bit of clam without having to worry about some scally ramming you up the backside or taking off with your pride and joy…then Northern Ireland is the place to be, right now, for van owners.

Want to know another place where you can expect tranquillity? In Scotland…Inverness to be exact, where the chance of being involved in a fender bender or having your tools disappear into the night is virtually zero.

Other places in Scotland that have been certified SAFE include Dumfries and Galloway.

To give you an overview of exactly where to be, and where to avoid…read on…

So obviously London is a place to miss, but you should also give Yorkshire and The West Midlands a wide berth, specifically Birmingham which is well known for being a hotspot for van hoodlums who have long been reigning terror down on van owners.

Northern Ireland and Scotland are the places to be, there is no doubt about that, but you can also breath a sigh of relief in the East Anglia where van crime is being kept at bay.

No matter where you live…you can still get Cheap Van Insurance with our 3 minute form. Give it a try.

Royal Mail Have 290 Of These “Strange” Vans

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You look out the window and see the Royal Mail van pull up. Out jumps a postie in shorts, but something doesn’t quite seem right.

“That van looks and sounds a bit strange,” you say to yourself.

You go out the front door for a closer look, but still can’t put your finger on what “is different.”

“Hey Postie. Come here,” you shout, as the faithful postie runs around posting letters like a schoolboy in shorts.

“Hello sir, what can I help you with today?” says the postie.

“That van…What…is it…that…makes…it…different?” You ask, slightly puzzled.

“Why sir, the van you are referring to is…

An Electric Van!!” answers the postie.

“Ah it was one of those electric gizmos, is it? Flash in the pan if you ask me,” you say before turning around to walk back in the house.

“Just wait until they replace me with a robot,” the postie answers, before continuing with his round.

Do you know what though? This isn’t just a flash in the pan oh faithful readers of the CVI blog. Electric vans are here to stay and you will be seeing more and more electric Royal Mail vans over the coming years, oh dear readers.

That’s right. The Royal Mail have just taken delivery of 190 brand spanking new electric vans. All sparkling and with that new van smell inside.

This adds to the 100 electric vans they already have, giving them a grand total of 290 electric Royal Mail vans. And that is just the tip of the iceberg.

Pretty soon all Royal Mail Vans will be electric. You will see them cruising about the roads of our nation and pulling up outside your house.

And just like the postie in shorts predicted…it will soon be robots jumping out of the back of these electric vans and walking confidently towards your front door.

Knock Knock.

You Answer The Door.

“John Connor?” says the robot

“Yes,” you reply.

“I have a parcel for you,” the robot says while handing you the parcel and then doing a 180 and heading back to the self driving electric Royal Mail van.

“Thank you Mr Robot,” You shout as the robot walks off…”And I like your shorts!” You go on to add.

This oh faithful readers of the CVI blog is the future, you can be sure of that. Where everything is different, but still familiar.

Just like the CVI web site itself. We will always be familiar, but at some point we will have to change, just like the world around us.

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