Author: News Desk

Revenge Of The White Van Dog

Posted on by News Desk

I watched as the White Van Man was restrained by 5 French police officers as commanded by the inspector.

I rushed over to the inspector.

“It’s ok…he is just a white van man…a bit hot under the collar…but no harm,” I said to the inspector.

“Monsieur…what do you know…you are just a balloon seller,” he replied

It was then he looked me up and down…”do you have a lisonce for selling those balloons?” he asked.

“No.”

“I arrest you in the name of the leahw!”

5 minutes later and me and the white van man were sat in the back of French Police van speeding through the streets of Paris with my balloons hanging out of the back window.

“Ne-nah, ne-nah, ne-nah, ne-nah…”

“You been on tour?” I asked the white van man.

“Yeah, just getting back from an extended tour in Siberia mate…hang on…how does a French balloon seller know so much English? He replied.

“Actually…I’m the CNR of a website called…”

I paused for effect…

“Cheap Van Insurance!”

“You…Are…Joking…It’s my favourite website pal. Proud customer of 5 years. Your blog posts kept me company in Siberia for the last 6 months.

Fast forward a few hours…and the boss back at HQ had spoke with the inspector and got me off with a warning and “no more costumes!” My balloons were confiscated.

I arrived back at the apartment.

“Chang…Chang…” I called out to my photographer. “Chang…Chang, where are you,” I said as I walked through the apartment.

There was an uneasy silence.

I went to the fridge to get some lunch.

As I opened the fridge door…Chang suddenly pounced out of the fridge and attacked me.

“sayawwwwww!” he shouted as he grabbed me and tried to take me to the floor.

“Chang…not…now….” I tried to say as we struggled

The struggle continued…right into the Steinway Piano in the living room.

“SMASH!”

It was an intense battle…and then…the phone rang.

We both stopped…and then Chang answered the pheun.

“CNR residence…it’s the boss,” he said handing me the pheun.

“Give me that,” I said snatching it away.

“Hello…”

“We’ve just received intelligence that the White Van Dog is at the park near your apartment. Go there immediately and get the photo. Our social media experts are waiting and ready to get this on Instagram. Don’t let us down…”

“I won’t,” I said.

I put the phone down.

“You are getting better Chang, but you forgot one thing…”

I gave him a “karate chop” to the head.

“Never let your guard down…”

“Now I must go to the park…I will take your camera.”

Chang spoke from the floor…

“Wait…the piano…that is a priceless Steinway,” he said.

“Not anymore.”

We both laughed.

10 minutes later and I was in the park trying to act normal but realised my white gloves and camera gave me away

and then…

there she was…

The White Van Dog

I approached with excitement.

“Does your dog bite?” I said to the owner.

“No”

I went to down to say hello and then…

*BITE*

“ouch!”

The white van dog bit my hand and ripped my glove off.

“I thought you said your dog did not bite?”

“That is not my dog,” he replied.

I watched as the white van dog ran off with my white van glove into the distance.

“Revenge of the White Van Dog,” I said to myself.

Return Of The White Van Man (On Tour)

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“The Inspector wants to talk with you,” I said to the boss over the phone as I sat there in a French Police Station. I handed over the phone.

“This IZ Chief Inspector speaking on the pheun,” the inspector said.

Wait a minute, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s go back to the start shall we.

It all started when we arrived in Paris in search of The White Van Dog if you remember.

The smell of French bread lingered in the air and the sights of accordion players with meenky’s (collecting the cash) made me feel like I was now in France. And I was.

I was with Chang, a freelance photographer from Beijing, who had moved to the UK a few years earlier to “photograph vans.”

He seem a bit awed by my presence. I was a CNR after all, while he was still basically a trainee. I liked him though.

“Always be on your guard Chang. That is the secret of excelling in the type of job we do. You never know what to expect next.”

Unfortunately, our afternoon spent walking around the streets and parks of Paris proved to be fruitless.

“No White Van Dogs today,” I said to Chang as we made our way back to the apartment.

The phone line at the apartment went down, and my phone had ran out of battery, with my charger still back at CVI HQ.

So communication with the boss was not possible, but at least it allowed me to focus 100% on finding The White Van Dog, without any distractions.

However, The White Van Dog proved to be elusive. Maybe she sensed I had arrived, and was now in hiding.

Or perhaps it was because I wore white gloves with “CVI” on one hand and “CNR” on the other.

It was obvious to me that I stood out like a sore thumb. I needed to be smarter so I hatched a cunning plan…I would wear a disguise.

So the next morning I dressed as a French Balloon seller, complete with a assortment of balloons to make my disguise even more authentic.

My plan was to head towards the local park and just observe, under the cover of my costume.

As I was leaving the apartment I bumped into Chang and he seemed startled.

“Who are you?” He said, in shock at seeing an intruder, no doubt.

“Relax Chang, It is me, the CNR,” I said as I lifted my cap and made my face more clear from behind the balloons.

“Ahhhh!” he said, knowingly.

10 minutes later and I was walking towards the local park when I heard a familiar sound…

“You What Mate?” The voice said.

I turned around…and right there on the road was a White Ford Transit Van…with a “white van man” arguing with an inspector of the French Police.

“Have these tools been robed?” the inspector said very loudly.

The white van man snapped…anger, rage, discontent…all rolled into one.

“Return of the white van man…on tour,” I said to myself.

4 Tips to Protect Your Van

Posted on by News Desk

I arrived back at CVI HQ the following morning and there was still no word from our CNR. No calls, no texts…nothing.

So there he was…out there in Paris, France, getting up to some kind of shenanigans, and here I was…at HQ with no news stories to run.

“When you have no news, it’s time to pull out the tip articles,” I said.

4 Tips to Protect Your Van:

Tip 1 – Start with the basics

Yes van criminals might be crafty these days and they might leave you in awe with moves such as “the peel and steal” – but that doesn’t mean you should ignore the basics.

Make sure all of your van doors and windows are locked every time you leave the vehicle. Remember, these van hoodlums only require a few seconds – in and out – and then they are gone. The perfect crime…but it is YOU that does the time.

Tip 2 – Get the right van insurance

In my opinion, the first line of defence in protecting your van is with insurance. Not just any old insurance either. You only want the best van insurance…and the cheapest.

We are not called “The Nations Favourite” for nothing. Thousands of van owners are choosing us and our 3 minute form, and then arming themselves to the teeth with van insurance.

Tip 3 – Get grilling

What is the soft point of any van? The windows of course. Van gangs rub their gloves with glee when they see a window that is ripe for the picking.

The solution? To grill. No, not grill some cheese on toast…what we are talking about here is grills that fit to the window and offer an additional layer of protection.

Think of the grill as kind of like prison bars…only you want to keep the criminals out, rather than in.

Tip 4 – Don’t park here

Imagine a van scally walking down the street and eyeing up two identical white Ford transit vans. One van is out in the open, like a gazelle minding its own business right before a pack of lions strike. The other van is parked with its rear up against the wall, with no access to the rear unless you move the van.

Which van will the scally go for? I reckon it would be the first one, because he could easily get access into the rear and then do what he wants.

The lesson here: Always secure the rear of your van against a wall, or railings, or another vehicle…especially when you are in areas where van crime is…

Just then the phone rang.

“Hello,” I said.

“It is me,” he said.

“Where have you been?” I demanded to know.

“I am in French jail, I was arrested for not having a lisonce.”

“A license? A license for what?”

“A lisonce for selling balloons.” He said, matter of factly.

“Why on earth were you selling balloons, You are supposed to be there…”

“The Inspector wants to talk with you,” he interrupted.

A Shot In The (Social Media) Dark

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I marched into the office of our CNR and announced “You’ve done it…Our approval rating in the white van community is the best ever!”

“Thanks to your recent blog posts white van men are once more flocking to our 3 minute form in their droves…and the White Van Dog post from last week really was the cherry on top.”

Our CNR had the look of a heavyweight boxer who had just won the title back. A look of pride…A man who was now back at the top.

“Listen,” I said to him…”your last post about the White Van Dog got me thinking…if a dog has a social media following from the white van community, then, I think CVI should get a piece of the action as well.”

“You want me to hack the dogs social media account?” our CNR said, looking a bit confused.

“No of course not,” I replied. “However, pictures of these White Van Dogs are obviously popular…this could be a launching pad into the social media for CVI.”

“What I want you to do is head to the source…France, and find as many French Mastiff dogs as you can. Get them to do the “white van man pose” and then social media success will surely be ours.”

“It’s a shot in the dark,” our CNR responded..”But I like it, although…I’m not a photographer, I’m a writer.”

“That’s okay. I organised a freelance photographer to travel with you to France. His name is Chang.”

I handed him two train tickets to Paris.

“The limo will be waiting for you outside in 45 minutes,” I said as I walked out of the room.

“Oh…” I added as I was leaving….”there are no meerkats in France, I checked.”

Fast forward 24 hours and I was looking more closely into this whole social media thing.

I was pretty confident that CVI could become “The Nations Favourite” on Instagram, and maybe even Facebook. As long as we got some good photos of white van dogs…but Twitter? Maybe that would be more difficult.

If this social media thing really took off then maybe we could do away with blog posts once and for all…

Just then the phone rang. It was our CNR, who was now in Paris.

“How are you doing? Have you seen any white van dogs yet?” I asked.

“Not yet,” he replied. “I did see a minkey though.”

“A minkey?” I said, confused.

“No…a chimpanzee Meenky,” he replied, although at this point the phone line seemed to be a bad connection.

“A meenky?”

“No…a…I think there is something wrong with the Pheun,” he said.

“The Pheun?”

Just then the phone line went quiet The connection had been lost.

Has a simple shot in the dark just turned into another wild ride involving our CNR, yet again?

Why oh why can he not just take on a simple assignment and get the job done?

These are all questions I pondered as I left CVI HQ and got into my Rolls Royce.

Stay tuned for more…

The White Van Dog

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You’ve heard of the Pink Panther, Green Hornet and Red Dragon…now get ready for the White Van Dog.

A French Mastiff named Roxy to be exact, who currently resides in our nations capital, London.

As the story goes, Roxy travels in a white van with her owner Nicky Morris on a daily basis. He is a delivery driver, who is always busy delivering parcels all around London, day in and day out.

Roxy is right there by his side, with her seatbelt on, keeping Nicky company and guarding the van while he makes a delivery to Mr Smith or Mrs Jones.

As regular readers of the CVI blog will be well aware…van crime is a national sport these days, which means having a bit of “protection” in the van is always a good idea.

As well as being a thief repellent – get this…Roxy has also perfected…

The white van man pose!

That’s right. Pictures confirm that Roxy the French Mastiff dog does a really good impression of a white van man, especially when leaning out of the window and giving you a stare.

Fortunately Roxy doesn’t follow up the impression with swear words and all out rage. She is a very chilled out dog, even if she does enjoy imitating the white van man.

Of course, the white van man reputation is very much exaggerated. If you ask me they are among the calmest and safest drivers on the road. That’s a fact.

Roxy, The White Van Dog, has built up her very own social media following with her impressions and impersonations.

Do you know what else? I reckon our favourite White Van Dog would also be a good match for CVI.

“Which one do you prefer…1 bark for those Meerkats…or 2 barks for CVI?”

“Woof Woof!”

The Nations Favourite White Van Dog and The Nations Favourite Van Insurance Comparison Website…the perfect match.

Then, as soon as 40 quotes come through from trusted companies and brokers…

“Are these the best quotes you have ever seen?”

“Woof Woof Woof Woof!”

“Good girl. Time for a treat!!”

According to Nicky, The White Van Dog is -”not just a pet, she is a celebrity courier, who drives around London delivering parcels to people. She has been with us for seven years, since she was a puppy.”

Here at CVI we raise our glasses to the White Van Dog. Long may you be delivering parcels in our nations capital and keeping up the good reputation of white van owners around the country.

What a Load of Rubbish! (White Van Man)

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“Do you have a license for that?” said the council worker. “You what mate?” replied the white van man.

The council worker edged his nose further into the van window…

“The empty crisp packets and bottles, sir…do you have a license for that?”

“Your having a bubble bath, aint ya?”

You, the faithful reader of CVI might be thinking this is a laugh, but we can assure you this is no joke. This is something that actually happened.

In Hertfordshire to be exact, where a roofer was just chilling out in his white van and enjoying a break before he got back to fixing tiles and pointing up ridges.

Sure, there was empty crisp packets and water bottles in his van. Maybe even some empty pot noodles. Who cares? This is his van and his choice. Thousands of white van men do exactly the same thing. It eventually gets cleaned.

Well, it appears that white van owners are no longer safe. You can’t do what you want in your own van, without jobsworth council workers sticking their noses in and trying to rob you of your own hard earned money.

Like a modern day Dick Turpin, these council workers roam the roads of the UK with nothing better to do.

“A license or a fine,” is what they say, and unfortunately you don’t have any choice in the matter.

Just like the white van man in the story…he couldn’t produce a license so he got slapped with a £300 fine, all for having a few empty wrappers in his van.

“What a load of rubbish!” is what we say here at Cheap Van Insurance.

Isn’t it time these council workers got a real job, and left hard working white van owners alone to get on with theirs.

He wasn’t fly tipping. He wasn’t chucking it in someone’s garden. He wasn’t throwing it out of the window.

It was in his own van! These are crazy times, that’s for sure.

Here at CVI we would like to reach out to every white van man and woman who has ever been a victim of this kind of injustice.

These bureaucrats might wield their power over you with stupid fines but you can fight back using our 3 minute form.

The next time you get a £300 fine you can laugh in the face of the council worker handing it over.

“What’s so funny?” they will demand to know.

“I’m with CVI…I’ve already saved a packet!”

So what are you waiting for? Compare van insurance with us today and make a £300 fine seem like chump change.

Van Theft Hotspots – Don’t Park Here

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Van crime is sweeping the nation like a big sweeping brush and no-one is safe. Trades people and delivery drivers. Everybody is a potential victim.

With that being said, there are some places in the UK where you are more likely to have your van nicked or tools “lifted.”

Van criminals are nippy as well. They are “in and out,” so to speak, and don’t mess about. They train for hours on end to perfect moves such as the “peel and steal,” and then, when it comes time to commit the actual act they are flawless.

Make no mistake about it these are not dumb criminals. These are masters of their craft.

So where is the number 1 place in the UK where they are most likely to strike? Romford to be exact, so be careful if you are doing a job there anytime soon.

You might just go to price up a job or make a quick delivery, only to find your van is gone by the time you get back.

Some van owners even make the huge mistake of leaving their keys in the ignition while they go to buy a kit kat, but if you do that in Romford then you will definitely be taking a break…without a van for the next few weeks.

Of course, some van insurance companies will offer you a courtesy van if yours gets stolen so you can keep on trading, although others don’t. Make sure you check your insurance details.

Birmingham was second on the list of van theft hotspots, with Halifax coming in third and Liverpool 4th.

If you live in any of these towns and cities then you can bet your bottom dollar that van insurance will be getting more expensive year after year. It’s a slap in the face, but what can you do?

The only thing I can think of is to compare van insurance right here at The Nations Favourite…CVI.

It doesn’t matter if you live in Romford, Birmingham, Halifax or Liverpool, when you use the power of Cheap Van Insurance then expect to get quotes that will make you wonder if what you are seeing is real.

Yes it is real, many van owners are saving hundreds of pounds off their van insurance, and its all thanks to our 3 minute form. Go to the top of this page and click on “get a quote.” You won’t be disappointed.

Some van owners might not need CVI quite as much though. For example, in Lerwick, Shetland Islands, Kirkwall, Dumfries, Inverness and Perth…van crime is almost non existent.

I still wouldn’t leave your key in the ignition though, and I would still compare van insurance if you live in any of these places. Sure, you might already have it cheap, but with the power of CVI you can get it even cheaper.

The Truth About White Van Men

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After the Dundee fiasco I found myself relegated to the office. A desk jockey, counting paperclips and making endless cups of tea.

I felt like a retired boxer in that office, although I could still smell the leather and hear the roar of the crowd.

As a CNR my natural instinct is to be out there…on the streets…in the action.

Maybe I had one more “prize fight” left in me? Let’s wait and see…

Just then the boss came into my office.

“Our approval rating has gone down 7% in the last 5 weeks among white van men. Research suggests it is your “Cardiff news story” that has led to the drop,” the boss said.

“I was just telling the truth,” I replied.

“Maybe…but white van owners are our bread and butter. I need you to write a piece that puts them in a favourable light. Don’t blow smoke up their rear van doors…just make the white van community look good,” he said.

And with those words the boss walked out of the office.

So here I am right now. Tasked with the assignment of making our nations white van owners look good. Maybe if I do a great job then CVI will get me a new limo and limo driver? I got to work.

The Truth About White Van Men

A common misconception about white van men is they are all dangerous drivers. Nothing could be further from the truth. Actually, during research in 2014 it was discovered they are 50% less likely to be involved in an accident than car drivers.

Another myth about white van drivers is they drive aggressively and get frequent road rage. This is false, or at least, false in the sense they don’t drive any more aggressively than any other road users. There is no evidence to suggest that white van men are anymore prone to road rage than car drivers, motor bike users or cyclists.

One particular false accusation is that white van “men” are all male. Not at all, and just like we have reported about before on our Cheap Van Insurance Blog…it is the white van “women” who are currently taking to the roads in their white Ford transits and LCV’s.

Yet another myth is the belief that white van men get cheaper van insurance than other van owners. Not true. The most important factor is your location. For example, if you own a blue van in Dundee, then you will most likely pay less than a white van owner in London.

The main reason why many white van men pay less for van insurance is because they have made CVI their home.

They fill in the 3 minute form and let us do the hard work. Around 40 quotes later and they find what they are looking for.

“CVI really is the website for white van men,” said white van men all around the country.

Vanarama Unleashes iVan The Terrible?

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“Hi, my name is iVan the chatbot, which of these options can I help you with today?” said the bot at the other end of the webpage.

This is what every visitor to the Vanarama website will see from now on when they want to get help.

So what can iVan help you with? Buying a new van is one of the things you can do at Vanarama, although they also offer van insurance.

“Great. My name is iVan the Chatbot. Can I have your first name, please?” Said iVan as you select the van insurance option.

“Did you have a particular vehicle in mind? I’m pretty sure we’ll have the best prices,” iVan the chatbot goes on to add.

Pretty confident isn’t he? And his smooth talking will probably work on some people…although not on those van owners who have heard of CVI.

Not one to back away from a challenge, or a duel, we are confident CVI is the place where you will find the “best prices.”

Vanarama vs Cheap Van Insurance…

We challenge YOU to put us both to the test…

You can visit Vanarama and then chat with a chatbot and get some monotone responses…

and then

You can visit CVI and fill in our 3 minute form. It’s ridiculously simple and there are no chats bots. Just a no-nonsense style form that is dedicated to getting you results.

Some might describe this battle as like iVan The Terrible vs Alexander The Great.

“Yes they really are great,” many people are already shouting.

“The Nations Favourite!” many will go on to add.

Listen, we are not trying to blow smoke up your rear van door here. This is real. You really can save a packet in the next 3 minutes.

By all means go to Vanarama and see what they are all about with their new chatbot, and then come back to the safe haven of CVI, with nothing automated and nothing futuristic. Just good old fashioned cheap van insurance…the way it should be.

I can’t even imagine your average white van man, so to speak, attempting to have a conversation with a bot.

“Hi, my name is iVan the chatbot, which of these options can I help you with today?” said iVan.

“You what mate?” replied the white van man.

All out anger would likely win the day, and then, right back to CVI…the only place a white van man can get a straight forward quote with no palava.

So Alexander The Great wins this battle, and if you fill out the 3 minute form you will soon find out why we are the greatest…van insurance comparison website.

Van Insurance is Down…OMG!

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A recent report by Consumer Intelligence has come up with one thing we were not expecting…van insurance prices are down.

According to them, the prices have gone down an average of 1.7% compared to last year, giving us an average price of £1240.

However, if you are using your van for work then don’t break out the pot noodles, ham sandwiches and flasks of tea in celebration just yet.

The reason? Because “worker vans” have only seen an average drop of 0.9%, which isn’t really much to get excited about.

On the other hand, people who use vans as a substitute for their car have seen the biggest drop at 5.5% during the last year.

These are the people who check the “social, domestic and pleasure” box on their van insurance application form and then use their van to go and see friends or go on a picnic.

They are not like you, the hard working van owner who is just trying to make their bread and cheese…surely it should be YOU who is making the real savings and not people driving around for pleasure.

That is why I would like to use this blog post as a rally to all those hard working builders, carpenters, roofers, electricians, man with vans, white van men and white van women…

I want you all to UNITE and shout “this is not acceptable!”

“0.9% is a joke,” you should also shout…

You have bills to pay and you have to put food on the table. It should be you with the 5.5% price drop. You are the one who deserves it more than anyone else.

Well, you can use this opportunity to fight the power and hit back with your own counter punch.

If those van insurance companies want to slap you in the face then you should retaliate with right hook.

If those van insurance companies come at you with a baseball bat then you should pull out…

Your smartphone and then go directly to CheapVanInsurance.co.uk

See how those van insurance companies like that. I can assure you they won’t.

Van insurance companies don’t like us. Simple as that. Even those who partner with us. Most of them hate us.

Why? Because we lose them money. Time and time again.

But they have no choice. After all, we are “The Nations Favourite” and the place where ordinary van drivers come to year after year.

We constantly push these van insurance companies further and further…

“More Savings…Cheaper Prices…Van Insurance For Less,” we shout at them over the telephone.

They fight us but it is people power that wins the day. YOUR vote is what counts.

So put your vote in right now…and use Cheap Van Insurance to make real savings on your van insurance.

Step 1

Complete your quick and easy quote

Step 2

Reveal your van insurance policies

Step 3

Pick your favourite and get instant cover